Tick Tock Tick Tock

So, I have to leave tomorrow for family incarceration. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind hanging out with my Mommy. Or my sister-in-law, Heather, but the rest of the family can be overwhelming. I don't know if it's residual animosity from adolescence, but there's always an argument brewing before I even step foot through the door.

Usually, the brothers can get me to play some War game on their XBOX (usually cause they need another player to complete the "mission") but I ALWAYS suck at it. I like my shoot em' up games a little more simple - shoot to the outside of the screen to reload, shoot the little weapon icon to switch from handgun to shotgun to machine gun, but their shit is soooo complicated. They got me pushing all these crazy buttons and I always end up going through my five "lives" within seconds it seems. Yeah, that's pretty much the extent of the brotherly bonding.

Ok, well, I'm dead now, I think I'll head into the kitchen and bake a cake or arrange something.

But, I digress, I've got so much to do, but so little time. My crux is that I've got a major event on the horizon in NYE, but I'm obligated to the family. I've said it before and I stand by it, families are a hierarchy, you drop whatever you're doing when you're summoned. It's not that I don't trust the team, they know how I like things and don't doubt their abilities, it's just NYE is hardly the time to put those abilities to a test.

Thank f'n GOD for Wi-Fi and my BlackBerry, that's all I'm saying.

Oh, Balls...

Next week is Christmas.

Where the f*ck did December go?

My NYE Campaign

She's so pretty that Kristine W. And, I can't lie, if I wasn't repping Chad, I'd totally be his groupie.

Beat Down By Trannies and Queens

So, last night, the girls came over to my place for "Game Night" which, last night, consisted of pizza and Uno of Death (actually "Uno Attack" but it gets rowdy around here). You see, with Uno of Death, there's a little machine that replaces the traditional "Draw 2" or "Draw 4" cards. The mechanism actually has a button that spits out cards in random quantities and sometimes not at all.

Yeah, I got my ass handed to me by NPB, Alexandria and Bianca. I had the unfortunate placement of having to go after either Alexandria or Bianca and I paid the price EVERY turn, not to mention, Alexandria cheats. She was steady announcing everyone's hands if they were careless with their hand placement and her line of vision. Luckily, NPB was far enough away in the rotation that I couldn't hurt her and vice versa.

Hell, I didn't even win a round until near the very end. Every other round, I had like six to ten cards left in my hand. It was a sad state of affairs.

Next week, we're playing Sorry of Death. Get ready whores.

See, THIS is why I can never own an XBOX or Wii.

Stuff I'm Working On...

I haven't always been the biggest fan, but I'm curious about the pageantry of it all.

Yeah, I said it. Say something...

TOY PARTY!

It's this Sunday - if you want to keep your soul, you'll attend.

Yesterday, RB and I popped into Target to buy the toys for the Navigation crew.

Honestly, we had more fun than we should have - and, true to form, we bought toys that we would want to keep for ourselves.

I found myself wanting to buy the classic EZ Bake Oven just because I wanted one as a child.

RB looked at me and thoughtfully pointed out that we probably shouldn't buy anything that requires purchasing of more stuff: batteries, EZ Bake Batter Mix, etc.

This reminded me of a few years back when I went to Toy Party with Brad Williams. He was like "where's your toy?" I smiled and proudly took out two DVDs from my jacket pocket "Elf" and "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory."

He goes, "those are cute and all, but umm, these kids are poor. What makes you think they have DVD players?"

Huh. Hmm. (Sigh.)

New Campaign

To be honest, as far as performers go, the outcome was never really in question. ATL just loves them some...

F'n Pay Attention

So, yesterday Bianca and Eric came over for leftover lunchy goodness. I absentmindedly threw the squash casserole in the oven while I modified other leftover ingredients into a nice fried rice side dish. The fried rice came out stellar, as did the nuked up turkey, ham, stew and stuffing.

Yeah, when I went to check on the squash, I was greeted by the lovely smell of melted plastic. Really? Did I throw it in there without taking the tupperware cover off of it?

F'n idiot.

Hope the homeless don't mind picking plastic out of their squash when they go through the garbage.

BTW, my place looks like a f'n speakeasy now. I have all this alcohol everyone left over from Thanksgiving. And, for the record, nothing is more fun than a bunch of friends playing drunken Uno of Death. I will concede to Alexandria though, she IS the Uno queen. For now.

(Sigh) Sorry Y'all...

My blogging is contingent on:

A) Time constraints - the busier I am, the less I even think about me blog
B) Inspiration - when I find things interesting, stressing or funny as fuck, I use this space as my therapy.

Lately, my updates have tapered off because of A.

However, here's a list of things I've been up to:
-NYE - shit's gonna be good y'all
-Mommy's feeling better!!!
-Twilight - just obsessed
-Flirting with CC, just thumpa thumpa
-Talking shit with MH (he's f'n awesome)
-Dinner with Ultra, good times - met Chris Willis of David Guetta vocalist fame, I may just love him
-Circus Tour
-Sending KW to Bangkok

I'd promise for details later, but we all know that shit ain't gonna happen.

Happy Trannies and Toddies Thanksgiving, y'all!

Beautiful U R

Beautiful U R

Ultra Returneth

So, Ultra is coming back to Atlanta for a recording session with Chris Willis (think "Just A Little More Love" by David Guetta and the other voice on Ultra's "Give It All You Got").

We get to have dinner since, on Halloween, we really didn't have time.

Yay! I heart she!

Passive Aggressive

I think people need to learn to be less of it.

Patience

Apparently I need to learn how to be more of it.

It's just so exhausting.

It's Deborah Day!

One of my favoritest artists to work with, Deborah Cox has a new album available today in stores and on iTunes.

I can't lie, I was totally skeptical at first, but I really do like it. Even Perez Hilton gave her props for "Beautiful U R."

Decide for yourself, take a listen at NAVIGATIONatl.com.

Always the Bridesmaid?

So, I recently got approached to plan a wedding. Since this person is a friend of a friend, I couldn't just say "no" right off the bat. I said I'd consider it, but then realized what would straight folks do without us gay boys to make their lives more beautiful - in this case, a flawlessly executed wedding?

After further consideration (not to mention infuriation at Prop. 8 in California), what if every gay wedding planner, florist, chef, wedding cake baker, gown designer flat out refused to do their respective jobs until they, too, could get married?

Fuck up our weddings? Well, let's see how well you deal without us putting together yours!

In all reality, I'll probably end up taking the offer - the budget is pretty impressive and who doesn't love a good wedding? Especially, when you can't have one of your own.

Say it with me class: conflicted.

Maybe I Shoulda Been A Teenage Girl...

So, I just bought tickets to the midnight screening on 11.21 for this:


I do realize that qualifies me as a teenage girl (sans the Zac Efron, Jonas Brothers, High School Musical infatuations - my nieces are INFATUATED with that shit and I don't get none of it), but it's totally not my fault. Granted, Harry Potter was of my own accord, but this one I blame on RB. Yes, da' protege was all, READ THIS! So, I did. And, I blasted through the entire lot of them in two weeks. She's quite a remarkable writer this Stephanie Meyer.

I bought four tickets (one for me, one for da' Protege are spoken for), just on the off chance I'm shunned by my social circle - anyone interested in coming?

I promise not to squeal like a little girl with a skinned knee (ok, so that's a lie), but I do promise to share the Twizzlers.

History Has Been Made

In 1870, black folks got the right to vote. In 1920, women received the right to vote. Tonight, at 11pm on Tuesday, November 4, 2008, the United States elects its first African-American President, Barack Obama.

In my 32 years of existence, I don't think I've ever been more proud to be an American.

VOTE VOTE VOTE

I can't lie - I'm finally buying into the claim that this is the most important election of our lifetime.

I voted early. Unfortunately, my vote will simply cancel out my brother's vote. I'm banking on my other brother's apathy to keep his ass from even voting. My mom voted in the same direction I did (Obama, just in case there was any confusion), thus saving the family name from disgrace. I can't say that's entirely true, but I digress.

Did you vote at all?

Class, discuss.

Also - here's a "Guest List" from 2004 - I hope I was right back then about Barack.

Eye Roll

Some douche bag promoter has already been knocking Once Upon A Time.

At first, I was annoyed and ready to fire back. Then, I thought about something the late Bernie Mac said on the Kings of Comedy Tour and it made me chuckle and laugh off the entire pissy comment altogether.

"You know you somebody, you know you successful when white folks show up to see you and then talk shit."

So, thanks!

Once Upon A Time.. It was only the beginning

So, the Halloween event was a HUGE success. My team and friends really came through for me when it was crunch time.

Escape was amazing, charming and hella-cool; Ultra practically tore the building down with her tiny self; Genre had jaws dropping; NPB played her part to perfection; Carla, Handlebar, Pwaulie, Curtis, Lauren, Genre's monsters, RB, Platypus, Ad-Rock, Vaden, Gay-sian, Irene all saved my life throughout the day. Morganza and Ferg and JE actually showed up; Jef will always be the President of my fan club.

Ok, so I woke up today to a text from Ultra:

Arman,
Thank you so much for having us. Accommodations and service were fabulous. We had such a good time. We wish you all the best with your parties and look forward to (deleted for several reasons). As always you and your team are awesome.
Luv ya,
Ultra & Jonathan

Navigation events will ALWAYS be executed that flawlessly. That's a promise. And, those of you that know me know I don't make promises. This time, you can go ahead and take that shit to the bank.

"There's no way to control it - it's totally automatic."

Sang on, Ultra, sang on.

(Photo Credit: Todd Cerda)

_________________________

On the lighter side of O.U.A.T.:

Taken from random conversations throughout the day:

Lauren (talking to one of the Monsters): Don't argue with him (pointing at Pwaulie), honey - this one's been to college.

Me (to Genre after breaking out half the decor): This shit is like Genre and Arman go to White Castle.

NPB (to me after I asked her why she just didn't take the elevator): No gurl, I wanted to feel like Cinderella running down them steps in the ball gown!

Ultra (to me after seeing my full costume for the first time): Baby, I've been trying to figure this out, but I can't. What are you supposed to be?
Me: (pointing to the straight jacket) Mad. (pointing to hat) Hatter.
Ultra: I get it now. Of course your ass would turn it into a riddle.

Me: Yay! You came!
Ferg: I did - can I get arrested for wearing this?
Me: (shrug)

(Navigation Staff Member towards the end of the night): Do you really need me?
Me (after glancing behind said Navigation Staff Member and assessing the potential trade): On a scale of 1 through 10, how probable is it you're getting laid?
(Navigation Staff Member): High
Me (after glancing a second time around said Navigation Staff Member at the potential trade): G'bye.

Aww, My Hero(es)

Busy day today, but while I wait for all of my decorations to arrive, I figured I'd type a little something.

The following characters/people are my inspirations today:

Willy Wonka/Mad Hatter - the ultimate funtime madmen
Walt Disney - the Svengali behind Disney, get it? Once Upon A Time - hello!
Tim Gunn - "Make It Work."
Corny Collins - he knew how to throw an innovative party

Something Wicked This Way Comes

Wait, is that right?

Anyway, the cast and crew of Wicked just RSVPed to Once Upon A Time.

In other OUAT news, someone asked me for a favor/guest list spot that, in a million years, would never expect to get a request from.

Like any good PR boy, I said yes. I'm still kinda gagged.

But c'mon, WICKED! We're kinda awesome.

My final thought for the day is this - I understand the need to downplay other people's events and make yours look the most amazing, but dubbing yourself as "The Official" is a little overboard. I don't do that kind of campaigning - relying on simply putting out a better product, but I do find it funny.

I just wanna know, where's the committee that decides this? Why didn't I get to nominate OUAT? Ah well, eyes on my own paper and keep moving forward. It's my mantra of sorts.

Thanks David

Ok, so one of my favorite people that I've had the pleasure of knowing is David K - local glitterati, man about town, tastemaker, precious baby lamb.

He was kind enough to send some props my way here.

He's my f'n hero.

Come Again?

With my boss picking up the new gig and all, I gladly picked up some of his "bitch work" as I lovingly call it.

Today, he asked me to switch over a flight for him to LA to see the Toxic one. I'm like, sure sure. It's not like I have a major event to coordinate or anything (I jest!).

At any rate, the nice lady at the airline was like, we can switch it over, but I do have to ask you some questions.

I said, shoot.

"Do you read, write and speak English?"

Am I speaking a different language now?

"Would you mind helping others?"

I'm a giver.

"Can you lift over 35 pounds?"

In my sleep.

She started laughing. It's nice to see that she found my responses as amusing as I found her questions.

Nearly There, Nearly There

So, I kinda cheated and looked up my horoscope for Halloween (you know, just in case the Magic 8 Ball was having an off month):

31. Friday. SUCCESSFUL.
This is another great day to move ahead in your special area of expertise. You can do what you want. Let other people know you are a force to be reckoned with. Impulsive tendencies can work in your favor because you are likely to choose wisely. Legal maneuvers and strategies should pay dividends. Obtaining an overseas contract could be very exciting for the self-employed Pisces. Halloween celebrations will be a pleasant outing for the entire family.

Who am I to fight fate?

Addendum to Score!

Well, since he revealed it on facebook, I guess it's ok to announce DG's new artist. He's now Britney's Tour Manager for 2009.

That's a lotta work.

Score!

The past two days have been quite a whirlwind around the DRIVE Talent/Navigation front. First, my boss DG lands yet another contract managing an A-List artist (his resume already includes Shakira and Deborah Cox among others). I totally wish this was my story to tell, but I'm more than happy to bask in the tailcoat glory.

Also, Navigation is rocking in both the event coordination and marketing departments. It's certainly an exciting time.

No rest for the wicked methinks.

Proud Mary...

I recently got notification that Navigation will be handling the gay marketing to this as well...

Keep on rolling, indeed...

More Tall Tales...

The story is almost complete.

Some of my best work to date I think...

Better Than Red Bull

I feel the world would be a more productive place if everyone played Veronica's "Someone To Hold" while they got ready for their respective day.

Story Telling

It makes me unbelievably excited to execute one of my concepts. The only thing better is when this idea, which was just a thought at some point, gets OTHER people excited.

Here's the first two stages of the idea...

I Have A Confession...

...half of my decisions, whether personal or business, are made by the Magic 8 Ball that lives right next to my laptop in my office. I used to flip a coin, but felt I needed more choices for more complex matters.

Granted, there are rules:

-I can only go as far as Best 3 out of 5. Any more than that and I probably shouldn't have consulted its precognitive powers at all.
-I can not yell at the Magic 8 Ball. This came about when it kept telling me to "Concentrate and Ask Again Later." This happened like four times in a row and I began shaking it violently causing bubbles in the magic window. I then realized I was screaming at a toy.
-I am suspicious of the one word responses - "YES" or "NO" and feel I have to initiate the Best 2 out of 3 contingency plan.
-I strongly dislike anyone else that touches MY Magic 8 Ball. I purchased it so therefore, its clairvoyance will only be revealed to me and me alone.

I think I need a nap.

"All signs point to yes."

I can't argue that kind of logic.

What's My Motivation?

I swear, I'm thisclose to checking da' f*ck out on this work week.

But, alas, I still have a self-replenishing checklist to complete.

Can't lie though, I couldn't imagine wanting to do anything else.

Oh, and if you guys want to nominate the Guest List for SoVo's "Best Of" Awards, I'm ok with that. ;-)

Fu*k Me...

I was actually already in bed but realized something.

I own my own company. It's viable, it has goals, employees and I have to do math and stuff.

WE have a website.

WE have a logo:


Humor me, I just put two and two together.

(Evil grin) Let's have some fun.

Thunderstorms...

are a perfectly valid excuse for napping and/or making out.

Class, discuss.

Today's Soundtrack: "Sweetest Taboo," Sade
"There's a quiet storm and it never felt like this before..."

Sigh.

OCT. 17

Not That Kind of Guy

At around noon today, there was a knock at my door.

Figuring it was FedEx or UPS, I went to the door trying to remember if someone had given me the head's up about a package being sent my way.

I open the door to find a casually dressed guy with a square glass vase of flowers.

"Arman Reyes?"

I cocked an eyebrow and nodded.

He tried to hand me the flowers and I looked at them like they were a bomb.

"You don't get flowers very often, do you?" he asked with a grin.

I shook my head and said, "no, I'm not that kind of guy."

He laughed at me and was all, "you look more skeptical than happy."

I shrugged and signed the receipt. Now, before any of you start, I'm still not that kind of guy - apparently. The flowers were a kind gesture from a business associate thanking me for the cross-promotion we planned this week. That's all - nothing else. Do try to keep your minds out of the gutter, people.

Just A Dream, Just A Dream...

Last night, I had the worst f'n nightmare EVER. I woke up in cold sweats and could not get back to sleep.

So, we were in the middle of the event which I haven't released to the public yet and looking hella-cute I might add. Biz-Won-Rah, Ferg, RB, Platypus and Sensei were all around me as the party raged on. We were packed to the rafters and everyone was having a blast.

Then, the power goes out.

All of us looked at each other and simultaneously yelled out "Fuseboxes!"

We all darted down to the basement to do what - I have no idea. I figured between Biz-Won-Rah and Sensei, they'd have the problem fixed and/or rigged within minutes.

We get there and all of Atlanta's promoters (and former club owners) are standing in front of this mega-huge power switch clearly pointed to OFF. All of them were talking shit.

Biz-won-rah and Sensei were actually calculating how long it would take to take them all out and get back upstairs to keep the event going. It took all of a split-second really. Next thing I know, all of Atlanta's promoters and former club owners were literally in pieces all about the basement (no blood though).

It takes all of us to move the Power switch back to ON. We run back upstairs to rejoin the crowd.

In the short while we were downstairs, the venue had completely emptied out. Tumbleweeds, crickets, all of it.

It was awful.

I Hereby Declare

This is not a threat.

This is simply a declaration.

I'm getting back into Atlanta Night Life. You bitches had well over a year to get it together and keep the party going. You failed - miserably.

And, I'm backed by the DRIVE Talent family.

I don't care what anyone else is doing. Seriously, I don't. I think they should care what I'm doing though.

Addendum to Arman, The Vermin Slayer

To his credit, Biz-won-rah did tell me to "sing to the mouse."

Much like all of you, I ignored it.

Arman, the Vermin Slayer

Some of you dear readers may remember when yours truly had an issue with a certain furry roommate.

Well, it seems it didn't warn its brethren before it kicked the bucket. I had yet another one of those little fuckers running around the house in the past couple of weeks. I've finally figured out why too. You see, I don't have pets. Everyone else in my building has a cat or maybe a dog or two running around to keep these bastards at bay. Me? I have a couple of stuffed animals and cute furniture.

I don't keep food out and my apartment stays relatively clean at all times, but that doesn't guarantee a pest free environment. Apparently.

This one was a little tricky. He had managed to break free from one glue trap already and I assumed he had learned his lesson since I no longer saw trails of cereal or english muffins scattered about. So, there I was watching tv in my bedroom when i heard a series of taps. I take a peek into the kitchen and yup, there he was trying to wiggle himself free from the second glue trap.

Motherfucker.

I calmly walked into my office and took the liner out of my Ikea trash can. I took it into the kitchen and placed it upside down over the mouse and its new glue trap appendage. Yeah, did he really start climbing all over it like one of those motorcyclists in the metal cage at the circus? I mean, he was f'n hyper. I was so convinced he would eventually break free that I actually put a heavy box of promotional Deborah CDs on top of it.

He was so energetic that I couldn't do much else but talk shit and text/call friends. Now, I love my friends, but they were completely useless.

Following is a list of advice and/or commentary from the nearest and dearest:

-Kick it. (This was vetoed immediately because it meant I may inadvertently touch the filthy creature.)
-Drown it in a trash can. (Ok, all of my trash cans are metal mesh - stylish and cute I might add. I was then ridiculed for having good taste.)
-Put it in the freezer. (Are you f'n kidding me? There's frozen yogurt and a Boston Market Pot Pie in there - no ma'am.)
-Aww, poor mousey. (Seriously?)
-LOL (from a total of at least three people)

Since the glue traps had advertised an anesthetic component to them, I figured it would eventually knock the fucker out so I could dump his unconscious ass into a trash can and throw him away. And, two hours later, he was still flying around the upside down Ikea trash can.

I ripped an old month from my desk calendar and slid it underneath the trash can. He got even more excited and started lapping around even faster. I then folded the excess of the paper upwards and duct taped it into place. If he broke out of that shit, I would have fed the motherfucker table scraps until it died of natural causes. Or a coronary - which ever came first.

I then took a Hefty cinch sak and dropped the entire thing inside. Hey, it may be cute and stylish (the trash can) but it's still from Ikea and I can justify another five dollars for a new one. I tossed it in the outside trash can along with the rest of the trash inside my house. What happens to "the poor mousey" is no longer my concern. He's out of the house and I did it without killing it on the spot - my karma is free and clear.

AND, I managed to get rid of it without risking my frozen yogurt, accidentally touching it or having it slip away from the glue trap by adding water. "LOL" that, bitches.

It's Too Laaaaaaate

So, all apologies for once again being out of the loop. Things have been hectic 'round hurr.

Writing has been such an obstacle as of late. Here's why: I start a blog and I'm into it - throwing around cute little anecdotes and metaphors, but then the phone rings. Here's the thing, these phone calls tend to get drawn out because there's a lot of ground to cover. Then, I get back to me blog and I'm no longer motivated. Sad, but true.

So, I'm forced to put up video clips and surveys that catch my attention while I'm supposed to be on conference calls.

Now, with that said, here's a quick list of what's coming up:

-DC's in town this weekend for some promotional show. I get to be her bitch. The show is called "For the Sistas" or something like that - you do the math.

-Janet on Oct. 5 - I'm f'n DIZZY over this

-Producing a fundraiser for a Georgia Senator candidate - so not my wheelhouse, but totally a cool spin on what should be a stuffy event.

-Producing another event for Halloween - good times, details soon.

-WETbar is closing September 27. I can't lie - this one is bittersweet. More on this later - maybe. Can I be anymore passive-aggressive?

-Sensei DG is in luv (note the spelling) - I'm like snap out of it, hooker. I need you to focus.

-Project Runway - most annoying cast yet. I'm so in love with Korto though - she's my pick to win the big prize. I also feel like Leanne and Terrell will be up in the mix.

Ok, on a more upbeat and happy note, my mom recently had an x-ray during a routine checkup. The x-ray resulted in a "shadow" in her lungs which put me in a complete headspin. She had a CAT scan done recently and the doctors ruled out cancer. Thank you to all the high f'n powers for that. I'm so going to start doing more charity work.

And, end scene.

I'm So Glad To Be A Democrat

I heart Mr. Stewart.

You Must Be This Tall...

There's a reason why I don't have kids. Ok, so actually, there's a few reasons why I don't have kids.

I've learned that my space (both head and living) is not child compatible. They ask too many questions, do NOT understand the concept of keeping things neat and lastly do not know when to leave me the fuck alone.

Last night, my mom had to talk me out of giving my niece a children's Benadryl to knock her out. Hey, my house, my rules. I bet my mom regrets ever saying those words to me now.

Neat

Car's in the shop - again.
(Mental note: Tell the mechanic negotiations story.)

Mom and niece pulled a surprise visit.
(Mental note: Tell the Operation: Apartment De-Pornification story.)

Gustav forced us to cancel DC's gig in NOLA.
(Mental note: Tell the KH and me vs. The Promoters Story)

I'm hungry. I need sushi in my life.
(It is what it is.)

LONG @ss SURVEY

I had some time to kill when I was supposed to be paying attention on a conference call. Enjoy!

What is the biggest secret you know about your best friend?
It’s not MY story to tell.

What are you listening to at the moment?
Jipsta vs. Ida Corr “Don’t Act Like You Don’t Know” (feel free to check out my MySpace profile to take a listen too)

Would you have sex with someone you had known less than 24 hrs?
Don’t act so pious, I’m not the only one…

Do you have a best friend to lean on?
An entire inner circle actually

What was the last thing you hid?
I live by myself, I don’t have to hide sh*t

Who are all under "d" in your contacs in your cell phone?
Oh for fu*k’s sake: Damian (liquified), Dan George, Darin Arrowood, Darren, Darryl Kent, Dave Koz (no, seriously), David Magazine, David Perusse, David Taylor, Deborah Cox (yes, that one), Derrick Walker, Devin Walkley, Diego Wolf, Donnui, Doug Baker, DRIVE Office

Who was the last person to smoke a cigarette in your presence?
It was at a bar, so it could have been anyone

When was the last time you touched drum sticks?
Yesterday when I had warm, slippery rotisserie chicken from Publix

What are you excited about?
Life

Who do you text the most?
Dan, Rob, Brian, Ferg, Errol, Adam, Tim

First person to text today?
Tim

Have you ever seen a couple and it just made you so happy by the way they looked at each other?
Only if happiness can cause annoyance and queasiness

Are you closer to your Dad or your pet?
I’d say my Dad, I’m his spitting image (what does that mean anyway?)

Has anyone ever forgotten who you were?
I’m sure there are people that are trying to

Last thing that made you laugh really hard?
Rob’s analysis on certain people, what they say and how they say it

Name some things you need from the store?
Green Tea, Mach 3 Turbo Razors

Are you going to prom this year?
Went to an 80’s one on Saturday with Alex

Who do you feel you're becoming distant with?
My inner child?

Who was the last person you saw?
My neighbor, but I slammed the door in his face as per usual

Are there some songs you can't listen to because they remind you of someone?
I don’t take it out on the music

Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now?
Absolutely

Does the last person you held hands with, mean a lot?
I was dragging them through a crowd so in terms of efficiency, yes.

Do you wish you never dated someone you dated?
There’s one or ten.

Could you go a day without eating?
I have actually, but not by design.

Even though it's summer, would you still consider being in a relationship?
Probably not. I have some things I have to fix first.

Have you fixed friendships with anyone lately?
I kind of need to, but for now, it’ll have to wait.

Do you find it awkward when you're in the car with your dad and "I Kissed A Girl" comes on?
My theory is that if he was alive, he'd get a kick out of it. I like to think he hangs out with me all the time though.

Do you have over-sized sunglasses?
Duh, of course. The D&Gs are particularly hard to keep track of – even my sister-in-law tried jacking them.

Do you always screw up when you're painting your nails on your dominant hand?
I don’t paint my nails.

Do you need to know everything about someone's past?
No, I have enough problems and baggage as it is.

Are you wearing something you borrowed from someone?
Nope, I bought them myself from Puma and Adidas

Where did your last kiss take place?
I kiss my friends all the time as a greeting/good-bye

What is crazy to you?
Friends, Family, Life (in that order)

Favorite cuss word?
Whore (I usually add "crazy," "f*cked up," "skanky" as a prefix when needed)

Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
Somebody I can't be bothered with

Would you ever want to be a supermodel?
Nope, I don’t take direction very well

When is your next party?
That’s all day, everyday

How do you handle a break up?
Nod and smile

Your motivation for tomorrow?
Don’t die

Do you know what you will wear tomorrow?
Not sure, what ever speaks to me from the closet

Last thing you ate?
Green Tea with soy milk and honey

Do you ever go a few days without changing your underwear?
Seriously?

Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it?
Maybe when I was between the ages of 2 and 5?

Do you kiss your pets on the mouth?
I don’t have any pets

Do you talk baby talk?
Sometimes when I’m mocking somebody

What serial killer do you find most disturbing?
I find them all equally disturbing

Do you watch court tv?
Nope

Would you ever work in a retirement home?
What would my motivation be?

Do you believe plants have feelings?
WTF?

Are you ever purposely irritating?
It’s usually in retaliation, but sure!

If you could fly, where would you go first?
I’d get lost on purpose.

What is on your bed right now?
Comforter, pair of jeans and umm, I forget his name…

Name 3 people who made you smile today?
It’s too early for all that.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Wondering if that’s all the rain for today.

What was the last thing you had to drink?
Green Tea with soy milk and honey

What are you wearing right now?
Black Puma T and Grey Adidas Gym Shorts

Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Nah, I put myself on restriction after the Kenneth Cole and Lucky incident

When was the last time you ran?
Hey, the power on the entire block was out and I heard footsteps. You woulda ran too.

Have you ever lost anything down a toilet?
Nothing I won’t miss I imagine.

Do you have any friends on myspace that you actually hate?
I deleted them all in a fit of MySpace Feng Shui.

Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Next question

Do you eat healthy?
Relatively speaking – I don’t eat red meat, deep fried foods but have a weakness for baked goods

What do you usually do during the day?
Chant?

Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
Or some variation

How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
33

Have you ever made out with someone you weren't dating?
Is that wrong?

Do you know anybody who was abused?
By choice? I mean, they paid a fair price in my opinion.

Do you take walks often?
Sometimes they lead to running.

Is silence really golden?
I’ll get back to you on that one

Any upcoming vacations?
For me or people I know? Specificity people…

Do you care what people think of you?
A few, but en masse, not particularly.

Would you call yourself smart?
As compared to what exactly?

Is good grammar attractive?
Editor – you do the math

Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
We moved. A lot.

Have you lost or forgotten a friends phone number?
Sure, but with e-mail, MySpace and facebook, you can ALWAYS find someone you’re looking for.

Needles aren't so horrible?
Hate them.

Who was the last person that said "i love you" to you?
Me mommy. It usually closes the conversation every time – even when she forgets something and has to start over. She’s awesome like that.

Happy Birfday Ferg!

She doesn't look a day over 23. We hate her.

Deprivation

I slept a total of three hours last night. And, no, it wasn't because of a booty call, miscellaneous drug use or anything fun (btw, you guys are jackasses for automatically assuming).

My sleep deprivation was caused by over-thinking, stressing and over analyzing - in short, being a f'n Pisces.

I'm discovering my business sense isn't as gimpy as I originally deemed it, my friends are pretty quick on the uptake and I've never been this absorbed with a concept EVER. I've pretty much drank my own kool-aid. And, yeah, I know how that could come across as an "eww."

It's all good though, at the end of the day (damn you BK for drilling that expression into me brain) it's going to be worth it. There really is no rest for the wicked.

HA!

My dear friend BH sent me this because he thought of me when he first read it. I can't lie, I've had this dialogue in my head many a time.

Gluttony, Greed and Pride

It seems I've all but abandoned the Guest List. I don't know, maybe it's cause as I grow older, the more I can't be bothered. It's possible. Or, maybe it's because I really am just too busy. It's been weeks since I've indulged in a late Friday lunch with the boys. Everyone's all running around, doing their thing and living their lives. I think the last time we were all together was the George Michael concert, which admittedly was f'n amazing.

Take this past weekend, for example. Saturday was strictly a working day. Granted, a working weekend for me isn't the same for everyone else - I mean that literally and figuratively.

GLUTTONY

My Saturday started out with a meeting at J. Christopher over Blueberry Crunch Pancakes. Then, a casual coffee at the W with the LA version of me, KH - DC's assistant. You see, although we've been working together for over a year - we hadn't met face to face. It was such a trip to sit there and actually talk to the person I've talked to countless times over the phone and in e-mail threads. I say she's the LA version of me because we have the same snarky sense of humor. We point out the ridiculous, call out the idiocy and all with a stylish sense of humor. She's kinda awesome.

Later on that evening, I got to treat DC and company to the most brilliant dinner in my long standing affair at two urban licks. Here's the thing about TWL: People who have never been there before tend to order like they would at any regular restaurant. And, the people that brought them just let them because everything is so damn good.

While DC, KH and EK narrowed their choices, BeX and I just smiled at our menus, seasonal items withstanding, having memorized the choices.

Within moments, being at the star table and all, the table was just packed with food - ribs, lamb lollipops, calamari, cumin bread (which BeX didn't like but DC adored). I'll give it to DC and crew, they were troopers - they tried everything and made a valiant effort to clean their plates.

And then, the salads came out.

I mean, I learned long ago not to bother with the salad option of the meal at TUL because it ensures you never finish your entree. They, however, needed green stuff in their lives and kept throwing it back until the last leaf. I think it was the chili flake effect and how it alters the normal affection towards salad.

By the time the entrees hit the table, most people were about to throw in the towel. Here's the thing, in the past couple of years, I've gotten quite a few celebrities/agents/VIPs ADDICTED to TUL's macaroni and cheese. When I say addicted, I mean it. Hell, DG is still trying to get me to find out the recipe.

DC was no exception. She was like, "this ain't right." Sure ain't girl, sure ain't. DC had to physically scoot her plate towards KH and EK to make sure she didn't eat anymore. And then, THEY tried the mac and cheese. Really KH, you think covering the plate with your napkin will prevent you from eating more? Umm no, the only real way to make sure you stop is to have the server take it away.

Here's the thing I heart about BeX, while the rest of the table is too concerned about image to order dessert, me and BeX will totally get the server to bring the menu back so we can choose a dessert. And, we did. The bestest thing EVER - their version of a banana split. It's this gooey peanut butter brownie thing with caramelized bananas and scoops of homemade chocolate and vanilla bean ice cream and strawberry sorbet.

We convinced the table to try the non-peanut portions of dessert (DC and KH are allergic to peanuts apparently). Yeah, they ordered ice cream for themselves. BeX and me felt validated.

GREED

After wishing DC and crew farewell, I decided the best thing possible was to reward myself with a day of shopping. So, to the North Georgia Outlets went my money. I could not be stopped at PUMA, Lucky, Converse or Kenneth Cole. I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while.I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while.I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while.I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while.I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while. I shall not go shopping again for a while.

See, I'm trying to convince both ME and YOU.

PRIDE

But, damn do I look cute in all the shit I bought.

;-)

Biz-Wah

Well, I think that's "busy" in French. Eh, probably not, but whatevs.

Ok, so things have been crazy since right before Pride and they haven't let up.

When I get a moment to focus, I'll throw up a more detailed summary of the past couple of weeks. In the meantime, in true Reader's Digest fashion - here's a list.

-Atlanta Pride - rain lots of it, a day with Hex and Kristine, quality time with "Pats" and "LA Hubby" (the West Si-i-i-i-i-ide Family)
-American Ninja - the reason I've been out of the loop, DG has been bumming around Europe for a week and a half
-Diabetes - niece was diagnosed with it, bless her heart
-Redo - my office and bathroom are looking less utilitarian (office is still minimal chic, just a little warmer and the bathroom is now geometric beachy, no seriously)
-Friends - lifeline as per usual

I swear, details forthcoming. Oh, y'all o' little faith.

Dear MG

I know I promised you a new Guide to Pride, but truth is, I gots nothing.

I started working on it and then got sidetracked. I tried working on it again and slipped into a coma.

I recovered, got up, did a hot rail and was twitching too much to properly type.

I apologize and hope you don't hate me. Or wish that I have children one day and their puppy gets run over. That would be, well, kinda mean. And, I know you're not a mean person.

Ferg, on the other hand, is kinda mean. He sent me a picture of what my pony would look like if I had one. It was a picture of a dead pony. I'm serious, I can forward you the picture. It frightened me. Mean, right?

Ok, so the truth is I just got sidetracked. I didn't slip into a coma, recover, do a hot rail and twitch. I mean, I like my sleep too much. Ferg did send me a picture of my hypothetical dead pony though. I was on the floor of my closet in fetal position for an hour. All right, all right, no fetal position in the closet - the picture however is not fabricated. It's a real picture of my dead pony. Except, I want a real, live pony.

Love Always,
Arman

Wanted, Indeed

So, yesterday the boys and I went to check out the new Angelina Jolie flick, “Wanted.”

I, for one, loved it. I’m into all that fast-action, adrenaline rush for your nerves type shit. And, aside from the rather loud ass Trekkie behind us that later followed us to Joe’s, I got to chill out with the nearest and dearest on an otherwise ominous Sunday afternoon.

But I digress, while we were waiting on Ferg, JD and BeX to arrive, my friend BH began to inspect the ever-growing line. I had Fandango-ed our tickets so a quick flick of the credit card and the machine spit out our tickets with little to no hassle (a shout out to the hottie emo boy in front of me with the red hair, black glasses and spectacular blue eyes).

BH, always the quick quipper, asked innocently “what else opened this weekend?”

“Wall-E, that animated robot movie,” I answered without much thought.

“Ah, that explains the kids and parents.”

“Oh, and Hancock with Will Smith,” I muttered while glossing over the LA Fitness people aquarium.

“And that takes care of the black folks,” BH responded without skipping a beat.

“Seriously, B? You didn’t just say that out loud,” I said in a tone that was equal parts amused and annoyed.

“What? I’m serious – I mean all the queer boys are going to see Jolie,” said BH without even an afterthought to his profiling.

I couldn’t deny his train of thought. He was pretty much balls-on accurate with his assessment.

BH continued without a trace of sarcasm: “Come on – me, Angelina, a strap-on – I’d try it.”

Hee!

I later relayed BH’s comment to BeX.

“Can't say it wouldn't give me pause,” he said coolly.

With the Chris Evans, Ryan Reynolds, Johnny Depps of Hollywood, my friends have voted Angelina as its official Power Top.

Personally, I’d pass on the strap-on, but wouldn’t mind being adopted. Me and Maddox could take turns calling Brad “Daddy.”

PRIDE 08

So, my dear friend MG asked me to update my old skool Pride post in honor of Pride 08. I'll start thinking about it and have it up by the weekend. This is going to be a little tricky since Atlanta Pride has moved to the Civic Center.

I have a special place in my heart for Atlanta Pride and despite the fact they had NO CHOICE in the matter, it bugs me that people think the drought that ruined the park for Class A type festivals is the Pride Committee's fault. C'mon now, seriously? Let's think about this, people. It's not like they're some huge corporate conglomerate that moved the event just for the sake of being evil and money/power hungry. It's kind of hard to grasp, but they'd LOVE to have it back in the Park and tried every avenue possible to keep it there. A little perspective, people. F'n idiots. Ok, sorry, that was uncalled for.

Here's my thing: If all the local businesses were so concerned about the event possibly being moved, perhaps they should have been a little more generous with the additional revenue that weekend brings in for them. They should have, I don't know, given back to the people that actually produce the main reason why they have the extra revenue? Check yourself, it's a non-profit. They keep their overhead as low as possible. And, all of you just bitch?

(Gasp) Oh no, you won't get your bonus for a stellar weekend. Guess what? It's not because of anything you or your company did to bring those people into Midtown - it's thanks to the Pride Committee. Your brilliant marketing plans and witty advertising didn't convince all these people to come to the Park - it's a tribute to Stonewall actually. Imagine that, at the very basic foundation of Pride Weekend isn't to make a buck or illustrate the power of the gay dollar, it's an homage to the pioneers that stood up for our rights as people and blazed a trail for us to follow. So, get with the program and try to remember what the weekend stands for in the first f'n place.

And, end rant.

I Miss...

my Biz-Wan-Rah (Genre).

Really, I do.

Ayo Technology

This is a photo taken from Alicia Keys' tour stop in NY. My boss sent them to me. I really really want those screens behind Alicia. They're pretty f'n cool.

PONR

So, I was talking to me partner-in-crime last night, AR (didn't realize until just now that we have the same initials - neat). We were going over a few things and I came to a realization that we had crossed the line from planning and inspiration into coordination and execution. In short, we've reached the Point Of No Return.

Bare with me for a moment cause my neuroses are working overtime. Yeah, I've spent weeks, nay, years on this shit, but this is a culmination of my entire professional career coming to a head right about now.

And, yeah, I'm scared shitless. Luckily, AR and DG and even da' Protege were all "snap the fuck out of it!"

I kinda have, but here's my thing: So you've got this dream and you strive to make it happen. I'm a Pisces so I tend to get caught up in side bullshit all the time and don't focus properly on the ultimate task at hand - which is to live happily ever after, yeah? Ok, so I'm going with the flow and now the flow has brought me here - which, don't get me wrong, I busted my ass for this shit and truly f'n deserve it, but after this - what's next?

Dreams come true? Check.

Umm, ok, great!

I guess I'll worry about what comes next at a later time. We've hit the Point Of No Return y'all. Buckle up. We gots work to do.

And, umm, thanks for humoring me on my subscriptions.

Head Exploding

Oh. My. Gawwwwwwd.

I can't focus. There's too much going on.

And, yeah, I tried doing the whole "one thing at a time."

Ladies Lunching

My shopping extravaganza has been postponed thanks to the rain. And, by "extravaganza," I actually mean Target and Bed, Bath and Beyond. Oh, and Publix. Where, apparently, shopping is a pleasure.

Yesterday, the boys got together for another one of our infrequent Friday lunches. Platypus and I decided a cocktail was in order since it was Friday and opted for the Coconut Mojitos. Now, I'm not a big rum person, but f'n yuuum. Unfortunately, RB has a new constriction on his eating schedule so this one wasn't as leisurely as usual. Well, if you don't count the drinks. Ferg showed up a pinch late, but got there just in time to see RB hit it back to "gay hell."

Without calling anyone out, one member of our party was brave enough to slip his number to a neighboring table as we made our group exit.

I have to give him props, I rarely send the phone number out there unless it's at least an 80% certainty it's coming back. Our bold party member explained later that he felt bad for the guy since it looked like he had been stood up. (How did I miss that?)

"It's like he was trying to play it off," said ATPTI, "and he was really cute."

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't draw more attention to him," I responded.

I started thinking about it some more. I can't recall the last time I ate out alone. If I ever do, it's more out of convenience. It's like if I'm having a horribly busy day and I need to decompress, I'll sit somewhere and have a bite to eat going over the rest of the shit I have to do, you know? And, typically, it's usually a non-peak hour time of the day like 3 or 4, where you don't get the "aww, poor sucker, he's all alone" shit talking as illustrated above.

On the other hand, this solo diner did get a phone number from a complete stranger and all. And, not for nothing, but my friends are hella-cute so he definitely should have taken it as a compliment.

At the end of the day though, it was a sympathy cruise card and, us, the bastards at the next table over were certainly talking about him. In other words, did it balance out? In the greater scheme of things, probably. The shot to the ego he took from being stood-up was cancelled out by getting cruised methinks.

Now, did anyone else notice he was wearing a wedding band?

Congratulations Unca Ferg!

So, it's official, Ferg is an uncle.

Speaking from experience, being an uncle is the most amazing thing in the world. You get the joys of feeling parent-like without the day to day responsibility. Not to mention, it's a great way to get back at your siblings for those years of torment when you were younger.

You get to be this undermining authority figure AND get away with it cause in a few years time, they're gonna be knocking on your door for help with the kids' tuition.

Congratulations, Ferg - enjoy the experience!

And, umm, the whole "supreme chancellor" thing? Yeah, let that go.

Pride and Joy

So, it's Pride Season. I've already been all up in everyone else's Pride and working and for the first time in like, five years, I get to ENJOY Pride in Atlanta and not WORK it.

Last year, while working at WB, I put together the Pride lineup to end all Pride lineups. My friends and colleagues will attest to the fact that I was a big ball of stress for five days in a row. I was juggling pick-ups, drop-offs, sound checks, cross promotions, in-house advertising, etc. Last year, I stepped foot in the park for all of six minutes and that was to argue with my former boss that you CAN'T disassemble a f'n float on f'n Piedmont in front of f'n Willy's.

But, bygones.

It's the proverbial water under the proverbial bridge.

This year, I have ONE ACT to watch over, Hex. He's playing on Friday with Kristine at WB. After that, I have no responsibilities at all - ZIP, NADA, NILL. As a matter of fact, I plan on checking out of my work week the second Hex gets on the turntables. After her performance, me and Kristine are gonna have us a little champagne drink-off.

I'm looking forward to being a drunken fool along with the rest of my neighborhood and nearest and dearest. PR and LA Hubby, AB are coming in from LA. DG may be coming down from NY, actually, who am I kidding - why would anyone miss 4th of July in NY?

Ok, fine, so Pride isn't going to be at the Park officially. It's at the Civic Center. Big f'n deal. I'll see you bitches at the Smirnoff/Absolut/Heineken/Bud Light sponsored tent.

Cheers, faggots. Happy Pride!

Skillz...

Yeah, I gots 'em.

So, technically I'm supposed to be in Nashville. I fucked up my back a bit again doing shit I wasn't supposed to be doing - clearly. But, I digress, despite one of my artist's flights landing hella-late, I was able to find a solution to her missed performance. I even sorted out the details of said solution - sound check too - all while staring at my ceiling.

Also, I was so in love with Sex and the City, I actually bought tickets for my mom and sister-in-law as part of their Kids-Free Sunday. They had a fabulous lunch at Olive Garden (hey, it's Ocala - what do you expect?) and caught the movie all without spending a dime - all this was coordinated and planned without leaving my apartment.

I f'n gots skillz.

And yeah, obviously I'm bored.

Deja F-You

I feel like I'm working back there again.

Who woulda thought?

Percocet + 2 Martinis = Weepy Whiny Overdramatic Arman

Me no likey.

Only Makes Sense After Alcohol

This weekend has been a complete f'n bust. I've had zero interaction with people except via text and phone. Which, is probably for the best considering I don't like people seeing me in a weakened state. Yeah, we'll get to my inferiority complex later. And, yes, my back is still killing me. Thanks for asking!

So, there I was, flat on my back on my living room floor watching SATC dvds in anticipation of the movie. June 30th, y'all - can't f'n wait. At any rate, I haven't had ANY alcohol in the past four days so this moment of clarity bullshit is getting hella-annoying.

Tone: Trina's "Pull Over"

Me: Heya sugar. What's up?

ATPTI (Anonymous to Protect The Innocent): I just passed your aparrrrtment - I'm drunk! Is your back betterrrrr? Come with meeee!

Me: Oh yeah? Where you heading? And, no my back isn't feeling better so I'm not leaving my house.

ATPTI: I'm on my way to Operaaaaaaa! OUCH!

Me: What the fuck? Honey, what happened?

ATPTI: I fell. I'm bleeding.

Me: Will you get your drunk ass over here then? You shouldn't be walking around Midtown and we'll put a f'n band-aid on your cut.

ATPTI: It's not bleeding thaaaaat much. I'm going to Operaaaaa!

Me: You said that already. And, umm why?

ATPTI: I couldn't be around (insert ATPTI's BFF) anymore; he was chasing after some guy and he deserves better!

Me: So you decided to walk your drunk ass to Opera?

ATPTI: Yeah, there's a guy there I want to ignooooooooore.

Me: I need more pain pills.

Damn You, X-Men

So, last night I royally fucked up my back. And, no, it wasn't doing anything scandalous regrettably. In a fit of Feng Shui, I asked da' Protege to take a look at a comic book collection I've had since childhood and sell it.

At any rate, they were neatly sitting in my closet on the top shelf. I grabbed the box and lost my grip. Now, I should have just let the box fall to the ground and pick up the pieces after the dust settled. Nah, I figured an angle change here, a slight step there and i could adjust accordingly to CATCH the fuckin' box. Which I did. To the tune of a pinched nerve in the back.

So, Memorial Day Weekend, fucked up back, not gonna make any flights to Chicago. Goddammit.

Right Here, Right Now

(Sigh) I heart me some Ryan Tedder. He speaks to me. This OneRepublic track, "Dreaming Out Loud" pretty much sums up how I feel today (aside from the "Monday" references):



Well hello sir, we live for Monday,
Confident we'll get there someday,
Pushing all the papers to a wealthy man,
Might I say, a beautiful tie you wear,
and how do you find such lovely polka dots and stripes these days?

[bridge]
Break all my thoughts hit the floor,
like I'm makin' the score,
I'm the king of the world,
I'm a popular man
count by zeroes to ten,
if you can't, well I can,
don't let any one wake me

[chorus]
I'm dreamin' out loud,
dreamin' out loud,
and all at once it's so familiar it seems,
I'm dreamin' out loud,
dreamin' out loud,
can't find a puzzle to fit into piece of a part of me

[verse 2]
Curtain calls a sanctuary,
Actors in the cloth, they freak me out,
Mockin' my purpose, in the magazines,
Famous how they make you feel grand,
they're always there to hold your hand,
in times of trouble, they're best of friends

[bridge]
Break all my thoughts hit the floor,
like I'm makin the score,
I'm the king of the world,
I'm a popular man
count by zeroes to ten,
if you can't, well I can,
don't let any one wake me

[chorus]
I'm dreamin' out loud,
dreamin' out loud,
and all at once it's so familiar it seems,
I'm dreamin' out loud,
dreamin' out loud,
can't find a puzzle to fit into piece of a part of me

[bridge]
they don't care what you say
they don't care what you think
all they care, what you do,
long as you're of beat,
take a look at yourself

Storm tries to come and wreck my world,
No, I wont let it
stumbled escape, through anchored drapes, no way to bedding

[chorus]
I'm dreamin' out loud,
dreamin' out loud,
and all at once it's so familiar to see,
I'm dreamin' out loud,
dreamin' out loud,
can't find a puzzle to fit into piece of a part of me

well hello sir we live for Mondays

Theatre Style

So, a Battle Royale is about to go down. To be totally honest, I don't know which side is ultimately going to win, but 90% of the fun is watching the contest itself. And, no I'm not talking about American Idol or Dancing With the Stars. This is more interesting.

I see points of view from all parties involved, but it's out of my hands at this point.

Only thing left to do is throw the theatre style in the microwave and grab a good seat.

Shit's gonna be good, y'all.

Epiphanies

Ok, so in the past few days, I've had not one, but two epiphanies.

The first one is why most fags are so bitter. It's because of four little words: I TOLD YOU SO. In the past few days, things I've said were disregarded and they've come back to haunt in full force. Little bits of advice like "I don't think it's a good idea to do that today" or "bitch, you NEED to go to this birthday party, he has sponsored you for so much for your pageant shit and probably won't sponsor you again cause he took it personal." Yup, mark another one down in the "I Told You So" column and take another step towards the penultimate goal of "Jaded."

And, the next epiphany is in regards to why so many queers are good party planners. I mean, you know it doesn't take ANYTHING for a fag to throw a theme party. Me and BeX put together an American Idols Final party in a matter of a couple of hours. But, that's a sidebar. The reason why we're such good party planners is because we've all been "promoters." Whether it's of events, clubs, bars, magazines, people - we've all had to "promote" something in some way, shape or form. Thus, we know how to put some shit together for people to have a good time.

I guess this is all well and dandy considering my latter epiphany is balanced by the former in so many ways. Ying and Yang, good and evil, "I Told You So" and party planning.

Lunch? Done.

All right, so one of my favorite guilty pleasures is a simple Friday lunch with the boys. Yay, for getting everyone to show.

Ferg's meeting was postponed so he joined. Da' Protege, BeX and his bff and one of my favorite people, Platypus were all there. It was good to make fun of work with the nearest and dearest. I j'adores those bastards.

It's been a long week, y'all. Ashley and Bianca are en route to Texas for Miss USofA Classic and Miss USofA respectively. I'm so nervous for the both of them. Bring it on home, girls, bring it on home.

DC and da' K are on their way to Long Beach Pride and I had to forego my trip in lieu of something really important. I know, I know. I keep saying that. But, f'real guys, it's gonna be sooooo good.

Owwww! F'n Owwwwww!!

So, last night, I decided I wanted my piercings back. Over the past year or so, I've lost both nipple rings to umm, various activities. I happened to have two extra stainless steel hoops that I rediscovered after Feng Shui-ing my apartment a few weeks ago.

I've had these piercings since the day after Danny Tenaglia at Fusion for Bump Wednesdays in 1998 or 1999 (old schoolers, help!). I still remember stumbling to Kolo in L5P the day after and still being drunk, figuring the residual alcohol would numb the pain. Nah, it was the most sobering experience, EVER.

At any rate, the first one went in fairly easy. That is, until it came time to come full circle - OUCH, goddammit, OUCH. Anyone with nipple rings will tell you that even though male nipples are pretty useless, they're sensitive. You drive metal through them and it HURTS.

The second one put up so much resistance that I thought I'd have to get it re-pierced. But, then I thought, ok, it's been about ten years - there's no way in hell it's healed up in a period of seven months? So, against my better judgement, I kept trying. FUCKING A - that shit HUUUUUUUURT. Eventually, I was able to clasp the second hoop and to my surprise, no blood. I was totally shocked. I was expecting to need a transfusion after that shit.

Well, at least I have all five back. I'm balanced again. Well, sorta.

No Rest for the Wicked

It's 2:30 in the morning and I *should* be asleep. Alas, I can not. No, it's not because of drugs or alcohol - fuckers.

Thanks Ferg, BH and Bianca for keeping me level headed. You see, when I told any of them I was scared shitless, they were all, "get over it, you've got work to do." Hee.

They really do know me so well.

Yeah, this is my family and I love each and every fucking one of them.

Details forthcoming.

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Dreams really do come true.

So, umm, what happens next?

Mental Note: Power Off

(Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony")

Me: Hello?

Caller: What are you doing?

Me: Sleeping.

Caller: It's only 1am! Wake UUUUUUUUUP!

Me: No it's not.

Caller: Come and plaaaaaaaay!

Me: G'bye.

(End Call.)

An hour later:

(Simple Tone: Ninja)

New Text Message: Sorry to wake u, 4got u r in Atlanta.

I Hate LA.

Morbid, But Interesting

The other night, sans alcohol, me and E got into a conversation about funerals. I mentioned how it's kind of annoying that the song to remember the dead person by is always this tear jerker that just adds to the melancholy. E and I both decided that our funerals would have a soundtrack (complete with take home jump drive) to make the nearest and dearest chuckle and reminisce on good times.

So, to the nearest and dearest - here's my list of songs I want playing at my funeral. Anyone that tries to say I would have wanted f'n Celine Dion automatically gets haunted.

"My Way," Frank Sinatra (gotta give JK Rowling props for this one - she said it would have been the song playing at Dumbledore's gay funeral)
"It Ends Tonight," All American Rejects (hee - get it?)
"My Happy Ending," Avril Lavigne (hee again)
"Only The Good Die Young," Billy Joel (I know, but use your best judgement)
"I Want You To Want Me," Cheap Trick (Didn't I? Didn't I? Didn't I? Didn't I see you crying?)
"Destination Unknown," Crystal Waters (Apropos)
"Bring Me To Life," Evanescence" (Wishful Thinking)
"Missing," Everything But The Girl (Dedicated to Myself)
"Thanks for the Mmrs," Fall Out Boy (Fitting)
"Crazy," Gnarls Barkley (Something to remember me by)
"Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)," Green Day (for the haters)
"Sweet Escape," Gwen Stefani (ideally speaking)
"Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What A Wonderful World," Israel Kamakawiwo'ole (for the hopefuls)
"Live Forever," Oasis (Hope springs eternal)
"Don't You Forget About Me," Simple Minds (I mean, how could you?)

Yeah, I know. It's a bit twisted, but hey, I said at the very beginning that it was morbid, but interesting.

F'Real?

I don't get people. As in "at all."

Yeah, I know. That's nothing new.

Last night, I had the pleasure of crossing paths with a self-loathing 'mo. Most of the time, these people fascinate me. Perhaps, it's the bubble i've built for myself where I'm immune to homophobia. And, before any of you start - my life is pretty much that. I work for a gay owned and operated business. I live a block from 10th and Piedmont, Atlanta's queerest intersection. Yeah, as a society we're heading in the right direction and I'm riding that f'n wave like a bandit.

But, I digress, self-hateration was all up in the dancery and I was less than thrilled. At some point, his drunk ass was just spouting random portions of a sentence, but lacking the cohesive force to make a list of words INTO a sentence. I just calmly looked at him and said "Jar Jar Binks, you wanna ease off the haiku talk?"

He got all kinds of upset. It was explained to me later that my reference of Jar Jar Binks (the GAYest character in Sci-Fi apparently) sent him over the edge. Ok, I realize there's a lot to that equation, but I'll try to keep it to the basics. First off, I called him Jar Jar cause of the manner in which he was speaking, not because of the earrings or fruity talk. Second of all, Dude, you're in a fucking gay bar, get used to the lingo and the quips. It's what we do as a HOBBY. Third, yeah sucking dick and making out with guys pretty much makes you a 'mo. Book the tanning booth and buy the gym membership, you're already there.

Ok, so highlights of this past week:


Starting travel plans to be here.

And here.

And on a few of these dates.

Oh, and I'm still getting yelled at for missing my flight for this.

Sorry boys, I'll so be there next year.

Beat Down

Pre-Pride Season is whooping my ass. Yesterday, I caught myself talking to a client about an artist and writing an e-mail at the same time. About half-way through the conversation I realized I had forgot who the client was and which artist I was supposed to be switching out. Thankfully, I was clever enough to look at the Caller ID and catch myself up to speed.

"Of course, CHAD, we can get DEBORAH in there." Hee.

Thankfully, we don't have any artists traveling and/or performing this weekend except for DJs. And, the firefighting is so minimal with them. I actually have a weekend to relax. I need some down time. (JAZZ HANDS) Yeah, don't ask.

Yesterday, I told my boss that our new slogan should be "breaking the spirits of promoters and clubs across the globe."

He told me to get back to work.

I said "ok."

So, R & R this weekend. I was all excited about hitting the Renaissance Festival with Ferg too. No, seriously. There was something about escaping into a surreal change of scenery, screaming out "Your finest ale, Wench" and beating Ferg with a turkey drumstick.

But, it's supposed to rain. Again. All Weekend. How. F'n. Beat. Down.

Seriously?

Ok, so I was given a challenge to make a recent AI contestant marketable to the queer club masses.

My first reaction was "he was already (and thank you Jacob for this one) teabagging out-of-town businessmen in a gay strip club - how much more marketable do you need him to be exactly?"

DG, immune to my snarks at this point, continued on unfettered.

I now have to think of dance floor ready tunes for this dude to sing (if that Broadway deal doesn't go through) at queer clubs across the nation. Well, here in lies the problem - there aren't that many male vocal tracks and the ones that are in his range, I really don't want him bastardizing.

So far, here's what I came up with:

"True Faith" - New Order
"I Like The Way You Move" - Body Rockers
"Your Song (Remix)" - Moulin Rouge or Elton, whatevs
"A Little More Love" - David Guetta
"Gotta Get Thru This" - Daniel Bedingfield

Sigh.

At least there's Avril tonight to keep me entertained. It's a great group too - Ferg, BeX, E, DT and JD. ("What if we didn't get the text?" Heh. Fucker.)

And then tomorrow - Birmingham or Dallas. I'm really not that motivated for either to be honest.

Self Explanatory

Ok, so JD makes me chuckle sometimes.

I sent out a text that said:

Mark your calendars kids - I have tickets for the (deleted for privacy) show. If you got this, I'm reserving a ticket for you.

Ferg responds with "I'm there."

E says "Sa+weet," which I'm assuming he meant "suh-weet" or "sweet" for the white folks.

BH, JE and RB are sending me text high-fives and shit.

Wait for it. Wait for it.

JD responds with "What if we didn't get this?"

I'll give it to him, I actually smiled and laughed. Ass.

Goodbye, My Love

So, last year, E and DJ KC went with me to Orlando for a couple of days just to get away. It was fun as hell and filled with shopping, fine-ish dining and drinking. Yes, lots of drinking.

On one of our shopping expeditions, we ran across a PUMA Outlet. Now, I heart me some PUMA. I heart it more than most people. I found this really cool limited edition pit crew mechanic's shirt in charcoal that I needed in my life. It has been my favorite shirt since I brought him home with me.

The other week, I was lunching with the Fratypus and knocked a fork off the table. I brushed against the side of the table that had some blue cheese dressing that fell off the little cup it came in. I thought, eh, I'll just throw it in the wash and call it a day. THREE F'N washes later and the stain is still there. Even Wet Platinum doesn't make such a stain. Blue Cheese dressing ruined my favorite shirt, my poor limited edition pit crew mechanic's shirt in charcoal.

My world has come to an end. The preciously cute highlight of my wardrobe can no longer be seen out in public. He'll be demoted to the chillin' around the house portion of my closet. It's so sad. Can he get a moment of silence please? It's just an atrocity, an abomination, a brutality to let go of such cute fashion. He was so good to me.

I guess it's a good thing I also bought it in sky blue.

You Know You're Fucked...

...when you tell your boss you have abandonment issues over an instant message and all of a sudden he signs off.

Yeah, thanks D.

I don't really have abandonment issues, it's stuff I say randomly to keep people on their toes - and, don't f'n start, you shady bitches know you do it too. I think my boss' response warranted a mention though.

All Right, let's name drop, shall we?

in the past couple of weeks, I booked out Andy Bell from Erasure to IML's 30th Anniversary in Chicago, found a chorus and a couple of cute break dancers in Miami (within less than 48 hours no less) to back Deborah for her performance at the GLAAD Media Awards this Saturday, knocked out entertainment for Prides in Dayton, Ohio (don't ask) and Washington DC, as well as Long Beach. In short, I feel accomplished.

Also in the past couple of weeks were back to back LA invasions on Atlanta. Dear friend and also agent extraordinaire PR came to town for Phil B's gig at WETbar and Tony's gig at Opera for the rather lackluster C2 event. Then, a week later LA hubby AB stopped by for Erika Jayne's appearance at WETbar. And, yeah, I don't know who Erika is either, apparently she had a number one on the Billboard Charts with a tune called "Rollercoaster," which I, umm never heard of.

On Tap:
-Purple Party in Dallas (We have Deborah performing, PR has Phil, Alyson and Joe spinning)
-Ashley's pageant in Lexington
-Deborah doing Long Beach Pride (yay for invading the West Coast)
-Andy Bell in Chicago for IML's 30th Anniversary - yeah, and me without a harness

Perplexed

Everyday is a struggle to suppress my high levels of paranoia, cynicism and rage. I see it creep out occasionally as I layout random people at FedEx, Chick-Fil-A and other various places but truth be told, it's their fucking fault.

I'm having a level of confusion that is hard to explain. You know I'm going to try though, right?

All right, so it's pretty clear I've had issues with key people in the past - some of them public, some of them private. This one was more of a public level issue. It was no well kept secret that she talked major shit about me, would deny it and I would fire back. Usually, it was just to satisfy my need to vent, but the flip side is that I have quite a few readers. So, in real time that means a private vent for me is a public roast for others. Heh.

Moving along, a mentor recently pointed out that carrying a grudge is hardly beneficial for either person - especially if the ultimate karma has already been paid back. So, grudgingly I admit that he has a point. So, I'm letting it go. From here on forward, it's water under the bridge. Don't get me wrong, I won't take anything back, but I will not perpetuate it any more. I graduated from high school in 1994. I'm older and therefore, wiser. Or something. And besides, I've done my fair share of "err," it's time to gun for "divine."

All right, that's it for now, time to get back to work.

What's today's date again?

Boss Hog

Once upon a time, a very large, round and obnoxious man that resembled Boss Hog from the Dukes of Hazard (and even dressed up like him during Halloween of 2006) upset the sorta happy balance of Atlanta night life. He brought in controversial artists for his own amusement, broke up great cabaret casts, purchased a country bar just to compete and even screwed over a pretty popular recurring character on Will & Grace.

And, the sad thing is, I actually had to be fucking nice to him. You see, when large, round and obnoxious men like Boss Hog throw lots of cash around, you kinda have no choice but be nice to them since your friends have been forced to jump through hoops like circus poodles. Motherfucker. Oh, and did I mention how many times he set us up for failure? Yeah, he did - A LOT. And, time after time, we (ahem, they) fell for it.

You smile, nod and hit it in the other direction when you can. I know I did. Actually, most of the staff did too come to think of it. But, bygones, you know? Heh. Come on now, you gots to know there's NEVER bygones with me. I hold grudges. And, I have magical thinking. No, seriously. I barely believe it myself. But, the facts are pretty much in my favor. I've seen not one, but two of my rivals, hmm, no, that would mean I considered them equals; adversaries? Hmm, no, that would mean I was concerned with them. Fuck it, two people I didn't like get bitch slapped by karma in the past couple of months. Well, as a two day late birthday present, a third one can be added to the list.

The very large, round, obnoxious man mentioned earlier in this fairy's tale, BE, got arrested in Tennessee by the FBI. I guess you really can keep a good ho down. Heh.

Weekend Update

Busy ass day, but here's a quick re-cap:

-Ashley and Bianca turned it at GA USofA and GA USofA Classic - I guess we're going to nationals. Hmm, still on the fence about that, details forthcoming.

-They've missed me at Bliz-ake's. Everyone was so warm and demanding where I've been for half a year. Other than that, good drinking times with E, Ferg, DJ KC, Morganza and the return of lil' Wes.

-Billy Carroll is da' MAN. I heart him. I also met DJ VC's new husband - very sweet and very cute. And, they're a nauseating couple. They really are.

-She's still a fired embezzler. Viva La Genre Resistance!

-And, last but not least - the number of people that has said "what goes around, comes around," referenced "karma" or "you were right" to me in the past week: 34 and counting (not bullshitting either)

ADDENDUM:
Now, here's my thing. I kinda feel sorry for the people that bitch had snowballed. I mean, for real, they were like under a spell or some shit. I mean, they BELIEVED her at every turn and didn't bother to even verify anything. I almost have to give the bitch props, you know? That's a serious performance. Perhaps it can be a talent at a pageant. As a judge, I'd score it pretty high in creativity.

I can proudly say that my friends weren't part of that "fell for it" group. We were the eye-rollers and the ones checking the calendars and clocks to see when time would finally run out. I guess you are the company you keep and we're some smart bitches. High-fives all around y'all.

Break A Leg, Bitches!

Best of luck to my dear friends ASHLEY KRUIZ and BIANCA NICOLE on their quest to becoming the next Miss Georgia USofA Classic and Miss Georgia USofA, respectively.

They'll be competing tonight at WILD MUSTANG.

It's not that I wish bad luck on the other contestants or anything; it's just well, I don't know the rest of y'all like that. Ashley and Bianca are family.

Dear Genre, Ain't It Funny?

It's all in perspective, I guess.

In your reality: It's a career change.
In everyone else's reality: It's a termination.

In your reality: It's only a couple hundred dollars here and there.
In everyone else's reality: From misdemeanor to felony.

In your reality: Why does their problems become my problems?
In everyone else's reality: "I really want this position as MC, I feel it's my responsibility to step up to the plate as the company's senior manager."

In your reality: "Genre got in my face and screamed at me; I will not be treated this way."
In everyone else's reality: More than two people, including me, watched you step up to Genre and provoke him until he was cornered by the sink and had to scream for you to leave him alone.

In your reality: It's a sponsorship for an upcoming pageant.
In everyone else's reality: So, why is it going in your purse?

In your reality: It's change for the bartenders downstairs.
In everyone else's reality: The dope delivery has arrived and I don't have cash!

In your reality: Big Daddy, JN was just someone in your way.
In everyone else's reality: You tried to get us to get in on your scheme, we pretended that conversation never happened. JN lowered the boom on ya' didn't he? Ha.

In your reality: You're Charlie Brown.
In everyone else's reality: Hiring the cast SHE put together and racial insults on the microphone does NOT make you Charlie Brown - just a cheap imitation.

In your reality: Hiring Burkhart's old management was a spiteful move towards M.E.P. and showed everyone you have all the power.
In everyone's reality: They clocked your shadiness and cost you your gig. It's almost a cliche', but funny as fuck.

In your reality: You solidified your spot in ATL night life history.
In everyone else's reality: As a fired embezzler.

And, for anyone that questions my decision to post this - read it again.

Love Always,
Arman

Magical Thinking

I've said it before and it applies one more time. It's kinda odd how you wish bad on someone and then it happens and you kind of feel guilty. Granted, the previous time was more of a "damn, I really am going straight to hell" moment than this time around, but damn karma is one slick bitch. This time, it's more of a "that's what you get, biaaatch - SUCK IT!"

Fine, I admit it - I was walking around singing "Ding Dong, the Wicked Witch - which old witch? The Wicked Witch!" for the majority of the afternoon, but that's all. All right, I might have called half a dozen people and conference called another half dozen, but I think that's it. Oh wait, a couple of e-mails too now that I think about it.

Let's make a list of things that are more fun than getting what you want. Time's up! What did you come up with? "Nothing"? Can't argue that.

All right, who's next for me to set my brain on?

I Used to Feel So Uninspired

Yeah, I know it's been nearly two months since I dropped a new entry, but things have been busy (read: uninspiring). I've been plugging away at various projects and the DRIVE gig and oddly content. Usually, I tend to talk about things that have been bothering me and for the most part, things have been great. Thus, uninspiring for a blog. See, this is my therapy and lately, I haven't had the need for any.

I could talk about other things, but I choose not to - some things aren't available for print; the job is going fantastic with lots of travel coming up around the corner; socially, I'm happy being single and hanging out with the dear friends I have; I've re-established my friendship with one of my favorite mentors - BW and we picked up right where we left off after we cleared the air on some things.

The really interesting stuff I can't talk about, the stuff I can talk about bores me to naptime and by the time I even think about processing my thoughts into copy, I'm bored with myself.

See? I told you guys. Say it with me, class: UNINSPIRED.

Oh, I guess I could talk about what happened with...nah, water under the bridge.

OH! OH ! OH! I will say this to a certain adversary and sing along if you know the words: Molly... you in danger, girl.

Karma's a bitch ain't she? Well, I got two words for ya - SUCK IT!

You deserve all the shit you get.

Love,
Arman

ADDENDUM:

Ok, so I just remembered (see: reminded rather rudely) I haven't done any name dropping in a while, so here we go:

-Dinner with Chad Jack, fun times except he was in a bit of a funk - happy to report he's out of it now and his JAN 08 Promo CD is the f'n jam - leave me a message if you want one of these cute ass 'for promotional use only' CDs.

-RB and I swiped cookies out of Deborah Cox' dressing room at WETbar, hey, she told me she wasn't going to eat them, so technically we didn't steal them - just swiped. And, silly bartender, of course you can't have any.

-The Don of the Velvet Mafia, Elton John said "hi" to me via my boss' BlackBerry - that was kinda neat and shocking to hear.

-Hung out with Jeanie Tracy for two days - took her to the drag store and for sushi, she's like my favorite aunt I never had that umm sang for the Weather Girls, Two Tons of Fun and backup for Sylvester, not to mention had every gay man twirling around singing "Cha Cha Heels."

There, fuckers, are ya' happy now?

Ta Ta

Dear 2007,

First off, I'd like to thank you for all the wonderful people I met in your twelve months. I've learned a lot from them and appreciate every opportunity that came my way. I also want to thank you for keeping all the people I already knew safe and in good health. At the end of the day, that's what matters most I think.

Next, I'd like to say that I won't really miss you. I'm sorry, but it's true. I'll try to only keep the fond memories with me. Unfortunately and regrettably, the bad ones left scars. And, thanks to close friends and guardian angels, I've already recovered quite nicely from those. I'll try not to carry the bitterness into your successor, who is already looking to whoop your ass across the boards.

Perhaps I'm being too harsh and your role in my life has always just been a springboard for 2008. If that is the case, then please accept my humble apologies as I'll learn to appreciate you for what you were in later days. Actually, on second thought, perhaps you were just a life lesson - a prep course for what's to come and what to look out for. But, then that means you were merely a cautionary tale, which I'm not a fan of anyway.

I guess what I"m trying to say is that I don't know what to think of you. I think the measure of a good year is how many times you wished for the following year to start so you could start over from scratch. I have to admit, towards the end of you, it was a daily wish for me.

And, here we are. We parted ways on the dance floor while I was surrounded by some of the nearest and dearest, but I needed some closure. I don't really care what you have to say for yourself, it doesn't matter much. I mean, your time is up.

So, 2008, how ya' doing? Your first impression was amazing. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Cheers,
Arman