Hullo Again

Dear Blog,

All apologies for neglecting you. Much like twitter and MySpace, you've fallen victim to things I'd rather be doing. And, what's better than actually doing things you'd rather be doing? Yeah, I can't think of anything either.

Things with JW are going really well, thanks for asking. We've made it through our first couple of disagreements and figured out where the problem is - pretty much, he's hotheaded. I'm over-analytical. I edit what I say to him because he's hotheaded. He says I withhold when in reality, I edit. There IS a difference. He actually stormed out of my place the other day. I was so bothered by this that I called the ex and dear friend, CC to gain some perspective on myself. Wait, did I just combine the words "ex" and "dear friend" and then apply it to a single person. Huh.

As for work, I'm plotting my contribution to "Stonewall Weekend," June 26-28 (or as I like to call it, "Pride A") and calls have been coming in hot and heavy for Pride across the country. I can't lie, it hasn't been like previous years where everyone is gunning for Deb and Kristine and Ultra, people are scaling back tremendously. The work still has to be done, but the reward isn't half as fun. And, by reward, I actually mean commission.

All right, I have to run, but I do want to say I miss certain people and I'm dying to get their reaction when they meet JW for the first time. Or when they're sober.

xoxo,
A.

The House of...

So, last night was the Georgia USofA pageant. My dear friends Alexandria and Jade entered the contest in the Plus and Regular categories, respectively.

Ok, so truth is I conceptualized Alexandria's Hairspray Talent complete with 8 backup dancers and three costume changes. I can't lie, she executed it really well, but being the perfectionist I am, I clocked some of the mistakes. Apparently, I wasn't the only one since Alexandria went home with 2nd Runner Up. Hey, I'm still very proud of her and hope her new Talent is a warning shot to anyone that hears she's coming to any pageant.

Now, Jade won Best Interview in her Division. I'm really proud of her too. She let those skinny bitches have it, starting with Presentation.

This is the family I built for myself and I couldn't be anymore gratified.

Also last night, my "Nana" Chelsea said "I met your new husband." This was quickly followed by:
-Is he good to you?
-Are you happy?
-How's the sex?

Only Nana can make me blush like that.

And, just FYI, my answers were a grin that she called him my "new husband," yes, very and a wink. JW knows what's up.

It's Britney, Bitch!

If only people knew what goes on backstage at a show this magnitude.

It was a lotta things.

L'Boyfriend

A few of you have e-mailed inquiring what JW looks like. Well, here he is... (This was taken at James' birthday party a few days ago.)

Is It My Imagination...

or are the first five or six notes of P!nk's "Sober" the same as Kelly Clarkson's "Moment Like This?"

Class, discuss.

Interpret This...

This morning I woke up in a panic. I just had the most vivid dream and it shocked me into sitting straight up. Good thing JW wasn't around cause he surely would classify me as insane.

So, in my dream, Bianca and I are living together. We're about to have Game Night when there's a knock on the door. In comes Charlie Brown and three "secret service" looking man-beasts. They told Bianca and I they were there to "sweep the house." They ordered us to take a seat at which point, Bianca hits it out of the room and up the stairs.

I sit on the couch and watch as Charlie and her three man-beast secret service agents go through the house with magnifying glasses, tongs and other random detective paraphernalia. When they're not looking, I sneak upstairs to find Bianca flushing large amounts of white powder down the toilet. It was Splenda.

"They're here to take all the sweet stuff," she screamed frantically as she chucks a Reese's Peanut Butter cup out the open window.

"It's illegal - no more sweet stuff!"

From downstairs, we hear one of the man-beasts say "The Kitchen!"

At that point, Bianca asks me if I cleared the kitchen. Since it's a dream, I can't talk and she starts shaking me violently demanding a response.

Charlie comes into the room holding a bottle of Firefly Sweet Tea flavored vodka. Bianca grabs my arm and leads me to the window and throws both of us out of it.

I wake up before I hit the ground.

(Side note: Only in my dream would there be all this product placement.)

More Pandering

JW and I got our first collective compliment today. My buddy JM saw us at dinner last night and messaged me today:

Y'all make such a cute couple.

Little did JM know that JW headbutted me in the chin this morning.

It's not his fault, I just be running into the punches.

Paramour

Did you guys know there's over 36 synonyms for the term "boyfriend?"

Yeah, I'm kinda gagged about that too. My particular favorite is "paramour" which could also mean "concubine." Hee!

At any rate, JW and I are officially boyfriends. I can't lie, I'm really liking it. I even told the family about him. To my surprise and delight, they're all excited to meet him. Thing is, I don't know why I'm so concerned - JW is just as quick witted as I am and therefore should be able to hold his own against the fam, right? I mean he holds his own against my gay family and they're a tougher crowd. Sort of.

I also posted my new relationship status on facebook last night. It made me all giggly that over 15 people so far have congratulated me and felt the need to comment on how happy they are for me. Thanks, guys. I can't wait for you to meet the "paramour" either.

Secret Agent Mommy

Prelude: For the record, my mom could never work at a job that involved stealth of any kind. She has the subtlety of a sledgehammer sometimes. But, that's one of the many reasons why I love her.

The Build-Up: The other day, I was talking to my Sis-In-Law, Heather. Heather's awesome, she totally cracks me up and always offers some insightful advice. Not to mention, girl's got some serious recipe action when it comes to feeding large groups of finicky eaters. Anywho, while I was on the phone with Heather, JW walked through the door. Naturally, Heather has known about JW and was all, by the way, I was talking to Mom the other day and asked her what she thought of JW.

I was a bit mortified. I hadn't told Mom about JW yet.

Here's the thing, I don't really talk about my relationships with my Mom. Whether my reluctance to talk about significant others is in order to protect the family or the significant other is a toss-up. Maybe it's a little bit of both. Or, maybe I have a mental block and consider gay relationships too temporary to bring up as a topic of interest. More on this later.

At any rate, Heather had unintentionally let the proverbial cat out of the bag. With this knowledge, I waited for the ambush.

The Punch-Line:
Valentine's Day Evening:
(Ring)
Me: Hi Mommy.
Mom: Hi Honey, how are you?
Me: I'm good, how goes it?
Mom: Everything is fine, baby.
Me: Oh good.
Mom: So...
Me: So?
Mom: Got plans for tonight?
Me: (thinking that V-Day plans happened the previous night into lunch that day) Nope.
Mom: Really? Not going on a Valentine's Day date tonight?
Me: (knowing full well I wasn't lying) Nope.
Mom: Oh...
Me: Yup, just going to read a book and go to bed early tonight.
Mom: Well, I just thought...
Me: (Controlling laughing) thought what Mommy?
Mom: Oh, nothing.
Me: Well, ok - talk to you later then. G'night Mommy, love you!
Mom: Love you too, baby.

Oh stop, this doesn't make me a bad person.

Something Old, Something New

So, yeah, clearly I haven't retired her.

Here's why, I still need my therapy. I did, however, feel she needed a makeover.

All right, here we are - Valentine's Day. I had lunch with JW and that's as Valentinesy as it's gonna get. Unfortunately, he has to work tonight, but I knew that weeks ago. We did get hammered together last night, jumping from hanging out with Jordan at Jungle to surprising Ferg, E, Alexandria and Shawnna at Blake's. It was kinda fun, kinda awkward. Details about that later. Maybe.

I did learn that he calls me his boyfriend to everyone but me. Yeah, that one's a stumper. I caught it when we got separated for a while and he came and found me asking if I was mad that he was gone for a minute. I was like, nah, I know plenty of people here so it's not like I was lonely or anything. He proceeded to tell me that he had just said to his friend "I gotta find my boyfriend before he just leaves me stranded."

First of all, I live down the street so he could just walk down to my place - stranded was a bit of an overstatement. Second of all, JW was the one that put down the parameters of us hanging out. It's not like I gave him an ultimatum. I'm a Pisces, I go with the flow. I know where I was in my head about the two of us, but never imposed that on him. It was opposite in fact, I told him I'd wait until he got to where I was. I didn't realize he was already there. I really like it.

Retire

I'm contemplating retiring the Guest List.

Here's why - between facebook, MySpace and my neglected Twitter - is there really a reason to keep doing a blog?

Class, discuss.

(***Note: I've enabled comments again - they were disabled for a while due to an asshole anonymous commentator. To this person, I still say "suck it.")

PS Ferg, I love ya' for having to use my blog to find yours. It's part of your charm.

Valentine's Day

Ok, so this is one of the reasons why I really like JW.

This morning, we were laying in bed together.

Me: Will you be my Valentine this year?

JW: Aww, babe, that's so sweet. Yeah, of course.

Me: Good.

JW: But, I got to work. I'm sorry.

Me: It's ok, I wasn't going to get you anything anyway.

JW: That's cool, I'd hate to have to dump you on Valentine's Day after you gave me a present.

Hee! The boy is funny as fuck.

Pageant

So, last night, JW and I ended up at a the Divine Continental Pageant. The girls from the Cabaret were hanging out with us and naturally, between the alcohol and the high quip counter, the remarks were out of control.

My favorite from last night was between JW and Cezanne:

Cezanne (walking back from the dressing room): Melania looks amazing in evening gown!

JW: What kind of dress was it?

Cezanne: A fabulous one.

A New Perspective

I've rediscovered a perspective I've long forgotten. So much so, that it could be considered brand new. It's been ages since I've had a real relationship, opting instead to be the toxic bachelor and going about my business without having to answer to anyone or adhering to another person's schedule.

I guess calling whatever it is with JW a "relationship" is premature, but it sure does feel good. Tonight marks a week since we "hooked up." Since then we've spent all but two nights together, seen each other at least for a little bit of time each day. With his bff coming into town, I expect I won't see him as much and he certainly won't be spending the night with the bff staying it his place and all. I'm ok with it, I've got a lot of prep work for the new project on Sunday, but I"m not happy about it. Last night, he stayed home and I tossed and turned for about half an hour before popping a sleep aid. Apparently, he was having the same issue. I woke up to a text sent at almost 2am that read:

Not the same with out you.

Ok, so back to the difference of perspectives. I was at Target last night collecting the necessities that have run dangerously low. You know what I mean - body wash, green tea, saline solution, garbage bags, etc. I was picking up some toothpaste and realized I should go ahead and pick up another SpinBrush for JW so we don't have to switch off the brush heads every night and morning.

When I got home, I was disbursing everything to their proper homes when AM popped by. AM watched as I took the SpinBrush out of the Target bag and was like "did yours break?" I said "no, this is for JW." AM rolled their eyes and said "this is going to get annoying."

Without skipping a beat, I said "I don't give a fuck what you think."

Nice to see some of my old perspective will always survive.

Happy Monday Y'all!

All right, maybe I am a bit more optimistic today as compared to most Mondays, but I had a great weekend.

The event on Saturday went f'n brilliant.

JW and I are getting along famously. Corny but true - when JW isn't around, I get grumpy.

JW's bff comes into town this week, which means JW won't be as available as usual, but I'm excited to meet the bff. Hey, I get it. I mean, JW has already passed my bff size up. Alexandria, Bianca and NPB already knew JW and are thrilled we're an item. At the Saturday event, da' Protege leaned in while JW pretended to look in the other direction and said "adorable."

Trust me, this is a tough crowd.

Ok, gotta focus - Charlie Brown's Cabaret kicks off this week at Artistry. Lots to do, lots to do.

From Ear To Ear

I think one of the best feelings ever is when someone you're totally smitten with says "I can't wait to see you."

I've just been grinning like the proverbial village idiot for the past couple of days.

I have a major event tonight with Veronica and Alex Lauterstein. Said someone showed up at sound check just to be supportive.

I'm going to try and not think too much about it. My dear friend DK told me to just allow myself to enjoy it. I think that's the best bit of advice I've gotten in a while.

Yeah, this is an edit of an edit. I was just steady listing out the characteristics I find totally endearing and charming about him and stopped myself. I think that's borderline pandering. I wonder if my friends are finding it annoying yet. You know what - they'll be strong - as many times as I've listened to their faux and real relationship problems. And, yes, I'm keeping score. I've been single for a few years now - I'm good until at least 2012.

Dear Anonymous Commenter

Suck it.

And The Award for Most Dramatic E-Mail Goes To... EDIT

If there's something I've learned about human nature, it's that sometimes it's impossible to get people to be objective. I'm not saying I'm better than everyone else is at being objective, but with me in particular it's built in with the writer's background and the over-analytical Pisces thing.

You know how sometimes you're having a discussion or debate with a person and instead of listening and processing what you're saying that they're just gearing up with what they're going to say next and waiting for his or her next opportunity to speak? It's something I lock into when discussing anything with anyone and when ever that situation comes up, I simply just stop communicating all together. There's just no point to it. You're literally wasting your breath. The only thing worse than that is if that person actually listens to what you're saying and then shrugs it off with a blatant disregard. There's NOTHING more frustrating.

So, what happens when that person is a close friend? You have to make a choice. Do you appease that person in lieu of your own feelings? Or, do you defend yourself? How do you defend yourself when they're not even listening? I mean, are you supposed to stand there and smile like the village idiot? If that's what you're expecting from me, you've got another thing coming.

Yeah, I know there are a lot of questions in this single post, but it's where I'm at right now. I could bore you guys with the details, but those are irrelevant. This is about a difference of opinion, the reaction to that opinion and a classic Catch 22. Nothing good will come of this. Well, this ain't the first time...

Aloha Pwaulie

One of my favorite people and adopted nephew, Pwaulie hit it to Hawaii last week to pursue a degree in Marine Biology.

I give him all the props in the world because it's f'n hard to pull yourself up from routine, friends and family. Not to mention, moving a couple of time zones away. And, he did it himself. That's pretty brilliant for a 20-something in my opinion.

Any who, he requested that no one tells him "I Miss You" since it's hard enough as it is. I get it. I replaced it with "get to work."

He has decided to start writing a blog which you can find to the right of reading my own blog - see it? Right there. "Aloha Pwaulie." Granted that's not the real name of it, but he's my nephew so I edited to my liking.

Get to work, Pwaulie.

You Don't Listen To Me While I Talk To The Wall

Ok, so occasionally my iTunes random play puts on a song I've nearly forgotten about. Today, it was Snow Patrol's "How To Be Dead."

I love this song for many reasons, but mostly because it totally captures the frustration of a relationship taking a nosedive.

You know how sometimes when you're in a "discussion" with someone and instead of listening to what you're saying and processing your point of view, they're thinking of what they're going to say next?

And then, you add that element of a completely irrational emotion like love?

Yeah, this song captures all of that tomfoolery.

Snow Patrol "How To Be Dead"

Something Old, Something New

Someone To Stop The Beat

In the past couple of weeks, two songs on my iTunes have risen in the ranks of my "Most Played."

The first one is "You Can't Stop the Beat" from Hairspray. Yeah, I wish I could explain this one, but I'm sworn to secrecy.

The other one is Veronica's "Someone To Hold," which, to be fair, has always been a guilty pleasure.

For the record, both songs are work related, but the former of the two I can go the rest of my life without hearing again.

Sunday Mass Gets X-Rated

The team and I have been working on a project for the past couple of weeks and it's officially moving forward.

We had the daunting task of re-creating Charlie Brown's X-Rated Cabaret. That's right, the Ultimate Bitch is back in Midtown. Every Sunday. Starting Feb 01.

The All-New Cast revealed soon, I swear...

ADDENDUM:

Since the cat is already out of the proverbial bag:

Charlie Brown's All New X-Rated Cabaret
Finally, the BITCH is back in Midtown

Featuring:
The Queen of Comedy - Alexandria Martin
The Style, The Grace, The Beautiful Face - Ashley Kruiz
The Goddess of Seduction - Bianca Nicole
The Diva - Cezanne
The Queen of Innovation - Jade Daniels
Atlanta's Las Vegas Showgirl - Jazelle
Imagination in Motion - Jordan Kennedy
The Notorious - Nicole Paige Brooks
The Dancing Diva - Shawnna Brooks

Details Coming Soon!

Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

So, me and one of my best mates, BH were trading e-mails this morning while he waited for his flight back to Atlanta.

We touched on the topic of euphemisms and sugar coating. (Don't ask how, our conversations, whether real time or viral always take on a mind of their own.) Here are the best ones that either he or I may or may not use on a regular basis and/or heard from another party:

"I experimented in high school."

"I've never done this before, go slow."

"No, of course this won't make you gay."

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"I'll just stick the head in, it won't hurt."

"I'll be right back, you gonna be here?"

"I had no idea he had a boyfriend."

"I promise to be good while you're gone."

"I have a good explanation."

"I thought you were awake."

"I've got a meeting really early in the morning."

"I was really drunk."

"I'll call you later, ok?"

Played Myself Lovely

For some reason, I thought things would be easier to manage after the New Year. Yeah, I totally set myself up on that one.

Things are busier than before, which is good. However, this chest cold/congestion thing I've been dealing with has made me slow. Me no likey.

Oh, here's the cool thing of the week so far - so, my boss is the Tour Manager for a certain pop princess. He called me last night asking me to find some things for the tour - a circus tent, jugglers, contortionists, fire breathers, stilt walkers and midgets.

Shit makes me chuckle - I mean who gets to book this stuff and rightfully call it "work." Oh yeah, me.

I also got to make the "reservation of life" while said pop princess is in town. Yeah, I get to go to dinner with them. Hee. Suck on that all you queens bragging about what seat you got. Mine is going to be across the table from her - now say something.

Cautiously Optimistic

It's officially been 2009 for three days and I'm still catching up from the Holidays.

The New Year's event went great - everything was executed to perfection. I heart my team and have a very special place in my heart for Chad and Kristine. Now, although attendance wasn't where we wanted it to be, there were some very important figures that showed up. And, based on the execution of the event - they're all about the future of Navigation. So, SCORE!

In other news, met a cutie. We went on a date last night. Yeah, a real date - you know, one of those things i haven't been on in FOREVER. It was a lot of great conversation, a couple of drinks, nothing more than a good night kiss. Like all things, there are certain complications, but no deal breakers. Here's a hint - he already compared us to Real World New Orleans. That shit still makes me chuckle.

Happy New Year, boys and girls! I've got a good feeling about this one.