Surprise, Surprise

My rules for surprises and secrets are pretty standard. Generally, I love surprises, but only if it’s truly a surprise. And, as for secrets – if it’s not my story to tell, then it doesn’t go any further than me. Now, if EVERYONE is telling the same secret, then it’s no longer a secret but public speculation.

This past Friday, the surprise performer for WETbar’s grand opening was Missy Elliott. Umm, yeah there wasn’t much of a surprise. Hell, I could have gotten her flight number if I really put some effort into it. And, why was management so tight lipped about it? Hate to break it you fellas, but when the trannies are talking about it – you can drop the secret agent routine. The jig is up.

In the grand tradition of Cyndi Lauper and Shannon, Misdemeanor wobbled on stage on crutches. And, just as suspected, Missy’s anthems sounded a bit out of place in a queer club sans the hands-in-the-air remixes, well with the exceptions of My Sister’s Room, Jungle’s Stars of the Century Monday nights and maybe Charlie Brown’s Cabaret. .

Next up on the surprise performer list was Vivian Green, err I mean sort of a surprise Jodi Watley. You see, Vivian was originally booked but (enter artist excuse here, i.e. missed her plane, was really sick, gave birth to a child, passed a kidney stone, joined the military), so Jodi was brought in to be the second surprise performer. Once again, not a big surprise over here, Shawnna and Ashley were trying to figure out how to get out of the Cabaret on Thursday just to see Jodi. It’s a shame half the people in WETbar never even heard of Vivian or Jodi for that matter.

Now the biggest surprise was Junior’s abrupt departure from the DJ booth. Okay, so yeah, that wasn’t a surprise either. Come on now, it’s JUNIOR. And, for the record, never ask a DJ to stop in the middle of their set (especially after two performances) just so you can wish someone a happy birthday on the mic.

Would the owner of Philips Arena ask Bono to stop U2 just so he can say Happy Mother’s Day to his mum? And, before you guys start, yeah it’s the same fucking thing.

I totally plan to go back to WETbar in a few weeks, once the hoopla dies down. For the record, the venue is beautiful and the sound is immaculate, the S&M wannabe hipsters -- well, in a few weeks hopefully they’ll be on to their next destination to stand and model. Until then, I’ll be working on my surprise face.