Slippery when wet...

I MISS ROB. Rob is an old friend that had to move back to Boston because he landed this mega-gig with a TV station making nearly twice as much money as he made here in the ATL. We get along so well because we act exactly alike. One of my favorite stories is how we had actually met.

One night I was at Oscar's Atlanta having a martini or six when a deaf Brazilian (swear to God) came up to me and started miming a conversation. He even went so far to write stuff down on a bar napkin so I could understand him. After about fifteen minutes of pure buzzkill, Rob came over and pulled me away. No, we had never met, but I guess my aura exuded "bail me out immediately."

So, not even fifteen minutes later, this older gentleman started talking to Rob about how much medication he was on and how he probably shouldn't have another cocktail. Yup, you guessed right, he was having several anyway. Now it was my turn to bail out Rob. I came back over, put my arm around him and played the role of the boyfriend that arrived late. The medicated older gentleman got the hint and moved on to the next victim.

Fast forward to today, Rob and I just had a wonderful catch-up conversation on how things are going in our lives. Like most conversations involving gay men, the topic swung around to sex. Yeah, shocker. Apparently Rob just had this tasty little Latin number for a second go round. According to Rob, things were great but the lil' Latin Papi kept screaming for more lube.

Rob insisted that he was going to make roll-on lube so he wouldn't have to get his hands greasy to apply lube ever again. I thought about it for a second but realized that half the fun is wiping your hands on your partner and just having a dirty, worry about cleanup later good ol' time.

Rob agreed but came back with the fact that all the excess lube also ruins his expensive 1000 thread count sheets. With his new invention, you would roll on the desired amount with no overflow or spillage. And, since it was a roll-on, the lube would coat evenly.

I suggested that along with roll-on lube that he also created inexpensive roll-on disposable bed sheets -- something like what they have at a doctor's office but more comfortable and available in different styles. Rob just took the ball and ran with it, saying he would open up his roll-on bed sheets to designers like D&G, Gucci and Armani. I simply suggested Stain Guard.

Yeah, I miss Rob.