You Ain't Mickey...

Last Sunday, I discovered I had a roommate. I went into the kitchen for something to drink and out of the corner of my eye I saw a blur of grey jump out of a pizza box sitting on my stove. Now, before any of you start, the pizza was only an hour old. As a matter of fact, I had only eaten one slice out of it because of my really bad addiction to chicken wings.

For the record, I hate ants, spiders, cockroaches, rats and mice. HATE. It was already pretty late so I opted to hide out in the bedroom which I had armed with one of those electronic pest things. This past Tuesday, JD and I headed out to Wally Mart where i purchased three more electronic pest thingies and two glue traps which I strategically placed by the trash can and next to the stove.

Late last night after work, I threw my bag and computer on the couch and slumped down to decompress. I looked over by the trash can and noticed my glue trap was gone.

Huh? Where the fuck..

Ah ha. The glue trap had been dragged across the kitchen floor by the front legs of my roommate. Its hindlegs and tail were securely stuck to the trap. Of course, my first instinct was to to talk shit.

"Oh really? You just had to come into my apartment, didn't you?"

It just squeaked away and tried to pull itself off the trap.

"Where ya' going? No where, buddy, you're heading right on over to the dumpster where your cousins and maybe a cat will have you for dinner."

For a second there, I thought the little fucker just might break away from the trap so I took a pen and tried to squish him down more securely. All I managed to do was make his squeak even louder and wiggle more fiercely. He did make the mistake of twisting himself back onto the trap with the front part of his body.

"Dumbass. See, you should have went next door."

Yeah, looking back, I see the insanity of a grown ass man talking shit to a now helpless mouse, but c'mon now, it was a victory nonetheless.

With the mouse completely immobile on the glue trap, I felt safe enough to nudge the mouse and its new home into a garbage bag. For a second, I thought to myself, you're kinda cute now that you're not running freely all over my kitchen. But on the same token, you ain't Mickey bitch, so you gotta go.

I took my ex-roommate out the front door and headed towards the dumpster. On my way, the wind blew a leaf over my foot which made me jump about ten feet in the air. I accidentally flung the bag and watched as it hit the tree in front of my apartment building. Well, if it wasn't dead before, it is now. At least now I can say it was an accidental death.

I lifted up the cover of the dumpster and chucked the bag inside. Then, I promptly went back inside and hosed my kitchen down with disinfectant. Just to be on the safe side, I think I'll buy a couple more of those glue traps.