Finally...

I'm getting my f'n car back. I've felt like an invalid for the past three days without her. Don't make fun; she's sensitive.

DJ Diva Kim Crawford is on her way over now to help me get ol' Bessy outta jail. Poor thing has been locked up and hasn't been started in the past couple of days. I just hope those fuckers didn't bang her up anymore than she was already.

No, seriously - I've felt like an invalid. Just with working arms and legs and fingers and toes and stuff. Ok, so maybe invalid was the wrong choice of words. Immobile maybe? Nah, that's not dramatic enough - invalid it is.

IS THIS THE CAR CLAMP CLUB, IS IT?

Ok, so I realize I bitch and complain a lot. But, really I just find the idiocy and humor in things and point it out. Take for example, the logic behind the retrieving process at the impound lot.

"Sir, it costs $130 to get your car out."

"Ok, I just need to go to my vehicle and get out my debit and/or credit card."

"Sir, I'm afraid I can't allow you to go to your vehicle until this transaction is complete."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Sir, please don't curse."

"Fine, I apologize. Kim, can we put this on your credit card?"

Kim: Sure, here's my MasterCard...

"Sir, ma'am, I'm sorry, but I can't let you put it on her card because it's YOUR car."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No, sir. Please don't curse."

"Fine. Where's the nearest ATM?"

"Sir, it's about three miles down the road you came in on."

"..."

"Sir, please don't...."

"Curse. Please don't fucking curse, I got it."

My saving grace was that the spot looked exactly like the episode of AbFab where Edina and Pats get their car impounded for drinking and driving. See, I did find the humor in the idiocy of this process, that should count for something.