Ready to Go

The running joke I have with Big Daddy is my transfer to "The Brothel." Big Daddy and Big Daddy Warbucks are working on opening a "Gentlemen's Club" in Florida. I decided I must manage it. I told him I'll work through Pride and then I expect my transfer papers on my desk that Monday. He just laughs. I'm so not kidding.

Then, Big Daddy said something about buying another club in Atlanta. Who? What? Oh, no Big Daddy. I am ready to go.

"Two clubs means twice the pay."

Oh, well when you put it in those terms, maybe I don't need that transfer. On second thought, perhaps I can do all three spots. I could put together a great floating team that would accompany me from venue to venue. It's kind of like a catering company. Well, sort of.

Nevermind, that's too complicated. A one way ticket to the Brothel, please.

Everyone Knows I'm In Over My Head

It's eight seconds left in overtime...

On tap for this week:
Wednesday: Drag Survivor - Headbanger's Ball: Rock N' Roll Week
Thursday: College Boys Gone Wild - Randyblue.com Week
Friday: WETbar Cabaret - La Cage Atlanta Night - All Illusions
Saturday: LIQUIFIED presents SEB FONTAINE

And then, next week:
JP Calderon and Janice Dickinson
Robbie Rivera

What was I thinking? Ah well, no sleep for the wicked...

No, seriously, I can't sleep - been tossing and turning for the past hour.

Currently on the iPod rotation:
Oasis - Live Forever
Lauryn Hill - Ex-Factor
Shannon - Give Me Tonight
Tracey Thorn - Grand Canyon (damn you, Butler)
Pink - U and Ur Hand
Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm (damn you, Genre)
Tori Amos - Precious Things (inspired by Jordan Kennedy)
Coldplay - The Scientist
David Gray - Sail Away With Me
Res - They Say Vision (Robbie Rivera Mix)

Title and first line from the Fray's "Over My Head (Cable Car)."

Nothing

I have accomplished absolutely nothing today. I woke up thanks to numerous phone calls from my mother. Umm, it's a Sunday, I work at a club; we don't close until 3am and I don't get out of there until sometimes 5am or later. I love you too, but if I don't get off this phone I'll accidentally cuss you out.

I orderd Pizza Hut and destroyed the 20 wings that came with it. Only one slice is missing from the actual pizza. (Shrug) I wanted to hang with JD and the Ferg, but they were over at the "B." Yeah, not trying to get sucked into that drama today; I'll be right here at home watching TV. Thanks.

Seems the entire staff is pretty annihilated too. E and M weren't doing shit today either. The big K has only called once and Big Daddy has only texted me once, well, twice to find out which porn stars are coming in on Thursday. I seriously need to get him banned or at the very least keep him away from the talent until after they perform. He is the Managing Partner though, so I don't think I'll be able to execute that memo.

Most Interesting Moment of Last Week: Having to play my role as Referee and sitting in on the Big K terminating the loud ass J. Punk ass.

Most Interesting Realization: I like Joe Gauthreaux now. He worked it out on Saturday and even played "Big Love." (swoon.)

Oddest Thing To Come Out of my Mouth: "Umm Big Daddy, exactly how did you know Jesus was in the dressing room?"

Yes, Jesus was in the dressing room (ask Genre), Big Daddy did see him but the real inquiry is how did the man who never goes back in the dressing room all of a sudden find himself back there on Thursday? Oh yeah, Thursday is College Boys Gone Wild night with guest porn stars each week. And, they have to change before going on stage... so they use the dressing room... I'm just saying.

All right, I need to go do more nothing and have some chocolate cake while I'm at it.

Wants and Needs

I want some time off; I need a vacation.
I want to take a nap; I need a good night's sleep.
I want a facial; I need a haircut.
I want a Mini-Cooper; I need to get me car serviced.
I want to throw me Strawberry out the window; I need to charge it.
I want to be done with Pride; I need to get the rest of the flights and hotel rooms booked.
I want to slap the shit out of some people; I need to keep smiling and nodding me head.

Class of 94

So, in an odd twist of fate, i ended up looking up my high school graduating class on MySpace. This was sparked by a surprise MySpace message from an old friend, Jennifer. She started dating me best friend, James our junior year of high school if i recall correctly. So, naturally, I looked up:
-Florida
-Ocala (which ironically is the homebase of my employing company, Taylor, Bean and Whitaker)
-Lake Weir High
-Graduating Class: 1994

Needless to say, I was fairly disappointed at how, well, suburban everybody turned out to be. Married, Children, boring, click. I did locate one "Bi-Sexual," three "Lesbians," and a couple of questionable "No Answers" in the Orientation department. There was one gay, but to be honest I couldn't remember him from Adam.

I did locate someone I knew pretty well from back in the day and pulled up his page just for a look. Yup, married with kids. But, wait a minute, why do the majority of his pictures have a mysterious "friend" with him? Even better, why does he have three male country singers (pretty f'n hot ones too) in his pictures section? Yes class, say it with me: "Denial."

I never filled out the extra function of putting in what school you graduated from and when, but I think I may just go ahead and do that. I mean, why not know that someone you went to high school turned out to be a relatively succesful, fashion forward, quick witted fag? I mean, aren't we supposed to be so chic now a days?

I mean what's the big deal anyway? I barely remember the mid 90's from all the fried brain cells. What's the chance any of these people remember me? Even if they do, what are they going to do, come all the way up to Atlanta just to deliver a hate crime?

Yeah, I'm definitely going to add myself to the alumni database. Afterall, who knows how many closeted freaks I may just inspire to break down that proverbial closet door. It's not so bad being yourself. No, seriously.

The Art of "I Told You So"

There's no better feeling than being right about something. I take that back, there is a better feeling. It's when you're right about something, someone vetoes you and at the end of the day, you were right and you never say "I Told You So."

It's TOO easy to just say it. It's best served with a smug look on your face and whistling an indistinctive tune. And then, they say "go ahead and say it." Oh no bitches, this is not a band-aid and will not be ripped off with a quick motion. This moment of time will be brought back if and only if you choose to ever doubt me again.

Yes, I bring back ol' shit. Yes, I keep it in me back pocket. Yes, I will gladly slap you in the face with it.

It's an art form and only gets better with time.

Aww, Shoot

So, I've only been partially caught up in the VA Tech mass murder. I've seen it on the plasma screens at the bank, on little news reels on the internet, but to be honest, I tend to tune out the news anyway. It bugs me. And, it's so depressing.

At any rate, with every bit of news I would catch, I would think about the friends and families of those students. My heart truly goes out to them.

But, here's how fucked up I am:

I just knew at the core of this tragedy would be another crazy ass white boy that was cast away by society for being different or listening to too much Eminem or Marilyn Manson or playing his Ozzy albums backwards or something.

Low and behold, the killer turned out to be Asian.

Whoa.

We're capable of mass murder outside of video games and kung fu movies? Who woulda thought?

I'm in HELL

I have discovered my own personal hell. I am sitting here with NO VOICE. I'm like Hello Kitty - she has no mouth so you know she can't say shit. I can 't say anything lounder than a whisper. I've been texting my friends all day. I had to order food and supplies through Zifty online. I've had to send everyone that has called me directly to voicemail.

I should have seen it coming; I've been sleeping every moment I possibly could all week. I've been sluggish, moody and hot/cold flashy for the past couple of days. Luckily, others that I have been around with the same symptoms recovered quickly so I'm assuming I should bw back to my loud mouthed ass in a day or so.

Talk atcha' later. Literally and figuratively.

RSVP

All right, one of the people I respect the most has moved back to Atlanta from New York and I have yet to see him check out me new digs. So, I'm calling out TRAYB and his wonderful husband right now. I insist you two be my guests to the Tracy Young event this Saturday. Your names will be at the Fountain Club door as well as a supply of drink tickets. No excuses.

All Up In the Ear...

So, JD got me the pimped out iPod Nano for me bday and for some reason it always interests me to see what my Most Played songs are. So, just so y'all know what's been in my head for the past couple of weeks, here's the run down:

1. "It's All True," Tracey Thorn
2. "Raise the Roof," Tracey Thorn
3. "Suddenly I See," KT Tunstall (it's from Devil Wears Prada)
4. "It Ends Tonight," All American Rejects
5. "Say It Right," Nelly Furtado
6. "How to be Dead," Snow Patrol
7. "Am I Here Yet (Return to Sender)," Billie Myers
8. "They Say Vision (Robbie Rivera Mix)," Res
9. "Babylon," David Gray
10. "Made," Jamie Scott (it's from the Step Up Soundtrack)

And, yes the Tracey Thorn album is fucking brilliant. At time it reminds me of Dido and Annie Lennox, during others it reminds me of Walking Wounded - EBTG's best album. At any rate, my two favorite songs clearly blast everything else in me Top 10 to bits in sheer volume of times played.

What Happened to March?

So, March has come and gone in like a tortoise and out like a cheetah. What the fuck? How in the hell did I lose 31 days? I sort of remember my birthday - yeah, let's talk about Billie Myers singing "Happy Birthday" Marilyn Monroe style to me on WETbar's stage. I was petrified. Not this mega talented pop star (with a fucking number one on Billboard to boot) was singing to me, on bended knee. Umm, huh? Is this f'real happening? Yeah, people have pictures - or evidence - of it all.


Luckily, April looks to be a little bit more tame than March, Lord knows I about killed the staff with all the shit I planned. It seems the hard work is paying off as the club has shown that it has the potential to make money. Yay for job security.

I am also pleased to say that my two mentors - Brad Williams and Bill Kaelin have called to tell me that they're proud of me and they support everything I'm doing. This has been an unsettling source of stress for months now. It's not that I needed their validation, but truthfully no job is worth these two looking negatively upon me. After all, I wouldn't have the career I'm enjoying now without the guidance of these two dapper gentlemen.

Socially, I feel like I only have time to hang with folks during work hours. It's kind of a shame considering my career used to be based on how many different establishments I can hit in a single weekend. I'm not really complaining considering I adore everyone I work with - well, almost everyone there are two that i would have no qualms assasinating. But, that's another blog for another day. For now, I'm hitting the couch for some serious remote control fondling.

Oh, before I forget, a few words for the nearest and dearest:

Tyler, you're coming for Pride, girl. Watch and see - I need you here.

Fergie, you're the jam, you know that right?

JD, Thanks for being such a good homicidal friend - you've taught me how to authoratatively hold my ground, death threats withstanding.

Selman, thanks for popping in; I didn't realize how much I missed ya' until you unexpectedly crashed Oakenfold. I'm almost over being bitter at ya.

Kimbus Crawfordus, Genre, Bianca and Ash - thanks for keeping me sane and being there during crunch time.

Krystee and Big Daddy, quit stressing me the fuck out.

That's all.

ZZzzzzz

I have been asleep nearly all day today. And, no, you'll hear no apologies from me about it. I actually woke up at like noon, realized it was Sunday and rolled right back over and slept for like two more hours. I ordered a pizza, took a shower and while watching the Covenant, fell asleep again.

I pretty much ignored my strawberry all day, accepting phone calls only form people who I know don't like to be on the phone for long periods of time. I walked over to joe's to meet with Fergie and JD for a late dinner and had me a pear martini. Offers came in for some rowdy drinking at Blake's, but i opted to keep my ass at home. I have John Digweed on Tuesday and I know that's going to whoop my ass all over again.

Just as a side note, I wanna talk about my GM and Managing partner for a quick second. Yeah, these two bitches put me through it ALL the time. For example, on the night of Deborah Cox in February, Krystee actually had me convinced by 11pm that no one was coming out for her. I just about believed her and went into tears. Well, needless to say, Krystee was wrong about that one and about Paul Oakenfold, Armin Van Buuren and the Andrew Christian fashion show this past weekend. At any rate, now james is doing the same shit. Let's just say that at the manager's meeting, there will be some cussed out faggots.

All right, hopefully everyone is nice and updated and can stop leaving threatening voicemails.

Hello? Do You Miss Me? What's New? How's the Weather?

A few lines from Billie Myers' "Kiss the Rain."

I wrote something, but deleted it because it sounded too depressing.

In a nutshell, birthday is coming up, work is kicking my ass, my friends rock.

Billie Myers will be here on Saturday performing for my bday party. Ok, so not really, but she'll be here - it's just technically not really my party.

Well, it is, because I booked it, but it was for work. Umm, nevermind. I need a nap.

Drive By

All apologies for the drive by blog, folks but please be patient. Once again, ol' WETbar has went through a bit of a transitional phase, so I've been logging in some extra hours. It won't be this bad once we hit our groove, but for now it's a bit on the chaotic side.

For now though, I'm really happy with where I'm at. I adore the people I work with, the people that come into the club to visit me and overall, the way things are working out.

So, for my birthday i've booked myself a special performer (get your minds out of the gutter). It's Billie Myers. Yeah, that Billie Myers of "Kiss the Rain" and "Am I Here Yet?" fame. I can't f'n wait. Did I mention Paul Oakenfold (my favorite DJ ever) is also coming in for my birthday week. Thanks Liquified for that one.

More on this later, stay tuned...

An Interesting 48 Hours

So, the bomb was dropped the other day.

I get a phone call from Charlie Brown.

"Arman, I'm leaving WETbar," she says.

Umm, ok. Thanks for the head's up Charlie.

"This Friday will be my last show there. I appreciate everything, but you know it's business."

Umm, ok. Thanks for the head's up Charlie. Best of luck to you.

Rewind three months ago:

Me: If Charlie was to leave here, what would you think if I offered you two the show director position?

Potential Show Director One: That would be hot.

Potential Show Director Two: I'd do it.

Since then, Potential Show Director Two has left for other opportunities and for a second there I thought we would lose Potential Show Director One. Then, PSD1 made a full recovery and is back and better than ever.

Fast Forward to Current:

I hang up with Charlie. I call PSD1.

Please welcome ASHLEY KRUIZ as the new Friday Night Show Director. And, expect to see some old faces combined with new faces in the show.

Reality Bites, Even More

Seriously, are people still talking about Reichen and Davis, err I mean Lance and their split-up? It's funny how you remember things in slow-motion in hindsight. It all happened in Fountain Club...

Are you kidding me? Wrong blog.

Finally...

I'm getting my f'n car back. I've felt like an invalid for the past three days without her. Don't make fun; she's sensitive.

DJ Diva Kim Crawford is on her way over now to help me get ol' Bessy outta jail. Poor thing has been locked up and hasn't been started in the past couple of days. I just hope those fuckers didn't bang her up anymore than she was already.

No, seriously - I've felt like an invalid. Just with working arms and legs and fingers and toes and stuff. Ok, so maybe invalid was the wrong choice of words. Immobile maybe? Nah, that's not dramatic enough - invalid it is.

IS THIS THE CAR CLAMP CLUB, IS IT?

Ok, so I realize I bitch and complain a lot. But, really I just find the idiocy and humor in things and point it out. Take for example, the logic behind the retrieving process at the impound lot.

"Sir, it costs $130 to get your car out."

"Ok, I just need to go to my vehicle and get out my debit and/or credit card."

"Sir, I'm afraid I can't allow you to go to your vehicle until this transaction is complete."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Sir, please don't curse."

"Fine, I apologize. Kim, can we put this on your credit card?"

Kim: Sure, here's my MasterCard...

"Sir, ma'am, I'm sorry, but I can't let you put it on her card because it's YOUR car."

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"No, sir. Please don't curse."

"Fine. Where's the nearest ATM?"

"Sir, it's about three miles down the road you came in on."

"..."

"Sir, please don't...."

"Curse. Please don't fucking curse, I got it."

My saving grace was that the spot looked exactly like the episode of AbFab where Edina and Pats get their car impounded for drinking and driving. See, I did find the humor in the idiocy of this process, that should count for something.

Look Out Weekend, Here I Come...

This last week nearly killed me.

On Wednesday we wore pink, err was Genre's Rewind show. It was a fantastic show and all the kids (see: staff) that missed Genre's final night performances got to watch what them for the first time. Needless to say, they were blown away.

On Thursday we played host to Alex, Davis and Brooks from the cast of Real World: Denver. They're fun -- drunk, but fun. See my "Reality Bites, Indeed" post for my favorite anecdote of the night. There were other fun stories, but those are best kept hidden from a public forum. I will say that I'm so proud of my dear friend Fergie (see: Chris) for accepting my challenge of being a model (pictured on left, photo courtesy of Size Queen R. Beck) . He is an amazing friend, cute as a button and has this really cool half-smirk/smile that totally gets the boys all hot and bothered. That plus he's not all attitude-y.


Friday was a fabulous night for the Cabaret. The crowd has been building steadily since we announced the new castmembers Maya, Genre and Bianca. There's a new energy to the night and lots of straight people too. Oh, and we have Jordan "Imagination in Motion" Kennedy booked for late April. It's going to be amazing.

On Saturday was our Benefactor event with 50% of our door proceeds going to the non-profit organization Joining Hearts. The crowd was fantastic and we raised at least $1400 for them. They were really excited about our involvement with their cause and I can't wait for this year's main event. (Note to self: The gym misses you.)

Sundays and Mondays are usually my "weekend." So, I'm trying to relax, but I have this little project of getting my car back to deal with. Yeah, long story short, I parked in my usual space, but a neighbor decided my car was broken down so they had it towed. I swear, if I find out which one it was...

Reality Bites, Indeed...

Last night was our Reality Bites event at WETbar. We hosted three of the roommates from MTV's Real World: Denver. As some may know, we've had issues with a certain roommate, but things have somewhat been rectified since.

We decided the maximum amount of exposure for the reality tv stars was to throw them in some cute outfits and have them work it out during a fashion show. So, we did. And, the show was fantastic. Even Carey from the current season of the Apprentice popped on stage to show off that now infamous physique.

So, while I was hanging out with Genre (who opened the show with "Fashionista") in the office area next to the secret employee bathroom/dressing room, one of the reality tv stars came in and said "I gave you guys a bunch of DVDs of our season and the only episodes that are playing are about Jenn."

I nodded my head.

"And, she's not here and we are..."

I simply smiled and said I would take care of it.

All of a sudden, from the bathroom, I hear:

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"

I love me some Genre.

Today

Today's Random Playlist Highlights:
"New Sensation," INXS
"Connection," Elastica
"Sweet Dreams," Eurhythmics
"Fugee-La," Fugees
"Good," Better than Ezra
"Gapetto," Belly
"Real Love," Mary J. Blige
"Scenario," Tribe Called Quest

Today's Menu:
Breakfast: Coffee and a Marlboro Light
Lunch: Cold Pizza
Dinner: TBD

Today's Longest Phone Call:
(tie)
Jade Daniels
Ashley Kruiz

Today's Most Missed Person:
(tie)
Sean
Tyler

Today's First Phone Call and Emotion:
Krystee and Fright (pre coffee and cigarette)

Today's Productive Errand Run:
Atlanta Costume to return cofetti blasters and then Publix and Chevron